


Spark

by Samaelcholo



Series: Spark [2]
Category: Hazbin Hotel (Web Series)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canon-Typical Violence, Electrocution, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Murder, Nyctophobia, Other, Panic Attacks, References to Depression, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Self-Mutilation, Separation Anxiety, Shock Collars
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-12
Updated: 2020-08-26
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:41:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 15
Words: 36,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25858339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Samaelcholo/pseuds/Samaelcholo
Summary: Alastor screws up pretty bad, that’s basically it.TW: for Electrocution, Self harm, and implied suicide attempts so if your not good with that kind of stuff this ain’t for you
Relationships: Alastor/Angel Dust (Hazbin Hotel), Charlie Magne/Vaggie
Series: Spark [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1915927
Comments: 45
Kudos: 237





	1. I’m fine

**Author's Note:**

> First fanfic, just seeing how it feels yknow?
> 
> I’ll put a TW for chapters with sensitive stuff
> 
> Sorry for typos

TW: Blood and graphic depictions of murder

The air around him was thick with static, crimson symbols floated through it as he flexed his fingers and balled them into fists. The streets were covered in carnage and blood, the metallic scent heavy.  
“Are you quite done?”  
Rosies voice snapped him out of his manic trance as he turned around, his eyes flickering back from the ticking radio dials to the regular blood red she was used to. His smile shrunk down to an annoyed smirk as he closed his eyes and nodded a bit.  
“Now that your temper tantrum is finished we should really be getting you cleaned off, I don’t think the princes would appreciate you returning all bloodied up.”  
Opening his eyes he allowed himself to take in the entirety of his massacre. Bodies lay ripped to shreds all along the red streets, guts hanging from lamp posts and random limbs strewn across the ground haphazardly. Unfortunately, he was to caught up in his sudden rage he had forgotten to broadcast his carnage. What a shame. 

He hadn’t planned on going on a killing spree today, he was just enjoying a day with his best friend. Things had been so hectic at the hotel, Alastor figured it’d be good to take a break. It had been a few months that he’d been helping with Charlie’s project, and he was happy that everyone was starting to trust him a little more. Vaggie wasn’t watching every thing he did so closely anymore, and Charlie was a lot less nervous around him. Husk was still as grumpy as every, and nifty was happy to be there, he was even getting along with Angel dust fairly well, with a few slip ups- almost eating his pig. Beside that they got along alright.  
The hotel wasn’t so popular at first, but Alastor was surprised to find quite a few demons wanted to give redemption a shot. He would be lying if he said it wasn’t getting a little boring. All he could do was talk to the staff and sign papers. He had promoted it a few times on his radio show but that was it. Alastor didn’t have a problem fully funding the redemption hotel at all, money was no problem for him, it was the entertainment he was looking for after all, but Charlie making him stay inside and sign papers all day? It was a little to much for him to handle.  
Going out was Vaggie’s idea. She had snapped at him for complaining about how boring it was there, and told him to find something else to do for the day, like hanging out with his friends. With Charlie’s approval he happily took the opportunity to get out of that cesspool for a few hours. You could say he was stressed, and that’s why he acted out.  
Threw a “temper tantrum” as Rosie would often say. It wasn’t anything big, not at all. nothing to murder hundreds of people for, all it was, was a lowly demon brushed pass him a bit, and he snapped. He was already having an irritating day, so it was really the straw that broke the camels back.  
“Apologies for the sudden show darling”  
He muttered and he tried to straightened out his wrinkled suit, to no avail. He sighed and felt his smile twitch.  
“I’m not sure if I’m ready to go back to the hotel just yet. Can we go to the tower?”  
Rosie smiled and nodded as Alastor cleared his through and snapped, teleporting them into his radio tower. 

“I was surprised when you didn’t consume your kills.”  
Rosie stated, grinning at the look on her friends face. If Alastor hadn’t been smiling, she would have said he was pouting.  
“Not hungry I suppose.”  
Rosie let out a chuckle, shaking her head.  
“You? Not hungry? I find that awfully hard to believe, my friend.”  
There was a static pop as Alastor felt himself growing irritated.  
“After all, good hunters eat their kill.” She laughed.  
He felt his ears twitch and his smile strained. He slumped into the expensive red couch and crossed his arms over his chest.  
“You’re teasing me.” He said after a beat.  
“You know I kid, Alastor.” She said, laughter dying down. “Oh, I’m afraid I have to be going now deary, I do hope you don’t mind.”  
Alastor tilted his head curiously, wanting to ask why she had to leave so soon, but deciding to keep it to himself.  
“Not at all.”  
“Great, I’ll see you soon then.”  
“Bye.” Alastor mumbled as she left.  
Great. Now he was in a bad mood, and he had no idea as to why. Everything was pissing him off, even little minuscule things he could easily fix, like his suit being wrinkled or the sound of his radios static pops.  
Everything felt off and it was making him mad. He felt.. emotional, and there was no need to be! Things were fine, he was fine!  
He knew he needed to clean up, he was still covered in blood and he felt the small injuries left by the few demons who tried fighting back sting and burn, he winced and took off his suit jacket, leaving him in a red button up shirt. He felt hot, his body felt like it was being burned from the inside, mainly around his chest, his throat. It stung.  
He shook his head, his ears pressed back against he head. He snapped his fingers and teleported his way to the hotel.  
He had meant to go back to his room, but he found himself just outside the doors. It was late now, and he assumed everyone would be asleep by now, what with Charlie’s mandatory curfew.  
Why was he so tired?

He opened the large doors and walked in, trying and failing not to stumble. Collecting himself he leaned against the bar and sighed. 

He was fine. 

“Do you want to talk about it?”  
“...no”  
Cherri sighed and ran her hand along her friends back. Angel was curled up, completely covered in blankets and pillows.  
“You know you can talk to me Angie, I’m always here for you.”  
After a few minutes of oddly comfortable silence Cherri began to stand up, stopping when she heard shuffling and turned around to see angel facing her, smiling.  
“Thanks sugar ‘tits, but I think I’m good fo’ now.”  
Cherri playfully punched angels shoulder, smiling as he sat up and stretched a bit.  
“I’ll walk you down?”  
“Thanks.”

Angel stood up and Cherri followed him down stairs. They kept quiet, giggling to themselves every now and then. Once they mad it down stairs their smiles slowly faded as the saw the blood drenched radio demon leaning on the bar.  
The two had stopped in their tracks, Cherri and angel both frozen in place.  
“Isn’t that the radio boy?” Cherri whispered, taking a cautious step back.  
“Yeah, he’s back late..” angel said, shrugging and walking up to the deer demon.  
“Hey Bambi, you good?” Angel said, making sure to make a few loud steps before talking to make himself known. The last thing he wanted to do was startle ten radio demon. Angel kind of liked having limbs after all.  
Alastor shot up, his ears straight up, turning to the sound of angels voice. He turned around quickly and saw Cherri slowly making her way beside Angel.  
“Uh- what?”  
To be honest, Alastor hadn’t heard a thing. The static was loud and making it hard to concentrate on being his usual self. He winced at the words that left his mouth, totally forgetting his manners.  
Angel snorted, smiling. Al looked like a deer in headlights. If he wasn’t covered head to toe in blood angel might’ve said he looked cute right then. This definitely made him feel a little better, but he couldn’t helps but feel a pang of worry. This wasn’t like Alastor. Alastor didn’t stutter.  
“I asked if you were good.” He repeated.  
After a second Alastor nodded and smiled.  
“Oh! Yes, I’m fine! Just uh- yeah I’m wonderful! How are you?”  
“That’s weird.” Cherri muttered, shifting her weight to lean on the other foot.  
“Right.” Angel responded, looked at how uncomfortable Cherri seemed.  
“I’m good too, what uh.. what’d you do today buddy?” He asked, looking at the deers blood stained clothes.  
“Were you two leaving? It’s quite late”  
Alastor said, opting to ignore angels second question.  
“I was jus’ walkin’ Cherri out.” He said, pointing to the door. “hey Al, you sure you good?” He asked again, narrowing his eyes a bit.  
“Yep!” And he teleported away.  
“That was the weird.” Cherri repeated.  
“Tell me about it. Deer boy don’t usually act like that, maybe I should tell Charlie or somethin’. “  
Cherri punched his arm and laughed.  
“Don’t be a snitch! He’s probably high on something!”  
Angel laughed along with her and walked her to the front, saying goodbye and closing the large doors after she’d left.  
Angel felt his smile fade as he thought about how Alastor had been acting. He couldn’t shake the feeling that som thing was actually wrong. He shrugged it off and walked back upstairs to his room. Curling up on his bed and pulling his pig into his arms.  
“What do you thinks wrong with Al, huh nuggets?” The pig snorted and nuzzled into its fluffy owner. “Yeah. Me neither...”


	2. Too dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW for panic attacks, graphic depictions of violence, electrocution, suffocation...
> 
> (Really beat Al up in this one)

Alastor teleported himself to his room after talking to angel in the lobby. He didn’t want to see anyone because he felt so off today. 

He was mad, but he didn’t know why.everything made him angry. Thinking of all that paperwork made him angry, thinking of angel made him angry, going outside made him angry- he was just so angry it made him want to cry. he turned on the light in his room and took in a deep breath. He needed to calm down. Maybe he should take a shower or something..

He probably should have stayed at his tower, he didn’t really need to be here. He was here often enough though, and that’s why he made sure his room was to his liking. the walls were a deep crimson red and his bed was the same. He had a burgundy dresser against the wall next to his closet and two smaller dressers beside he bed on either side. He had a window on the left side of his wall where he could see the deep dark red sky and the many buildings filling Pentagram City. 

He sighed again and sat at the end of his bed. Maybe he’d feel better after he’d slept? The thought of sleep didn’t make him angry, and that made him a little happier as he climbed into bed, not bothering to change his clothes, instead snapping them away and turning on his side. He sighed softly as he felt himself slip into unconsciousness. 

“Wakey wakey eggs and bakey!”

Alastor grimaced as he heard Charlie banging on his door loudly. 

“Alastor! Come on, you slept in!”

She yelled, knocking on the door again and jiggling the handle. 

Alastor turned over so he was lying on his back and winced, putting his arm over his eyes and closing them. He’d forgotten to turn the light off last night.

His eyes shot open again however, when he heard the door to his room open abruptly. He sat up and put his hand to his chest, making sure he was at least wearing a shirt. He was, and made a mental note to lock the door next time he teleported to his room. 

“Hey Al! I didn’t think you’d actually be here, your usually up by now.” Charlie said, walking into the room. 

“It smells like blood in here Al, what’d you do?”

Alastor shook his head, trying to keep up with what Charlie was saying. He felt a bit slow this morning..

“Nothing. I’ll be down in a few minutes, could you let me get dressed first darling?” He said sweetly, wanting to get Charlie out of his room as quickly as possible. 

“For sure! I’ll be downstairs when your done!”

She smiled and retreated from the room, closing the door as she left. 

Alastor sighed and stood up, snapping his fingers and putting on some clean clothes. 

He walked over to his mirror above his dresser and winced at how rough he looked. His hair was messy and he had bags under his eyes. Maybe now that he was fully awake he should take a shower. 

He was walked into his bathroom and turned on the water, stepping back into his room and grabbing some clothes. He didn’t like showers. Not because he just didn’t like them, but because he hated seeing the jagged scars on his body, reminding him of his painful death. He walked back into the bathroom and turned off the light, closing and locking the door before taking his clothes off and getting onto the shower. 

“Mornin’ smiles” Angel greeted as he walked down the red stairs, a smirk on his face. “You’re up late.”

Alastor decided not to respond, opting to ignore the spider and head for the door. He wanted to be.. not here today. Something about being at the hotel right now made him want to vomit. He was stopped however by Charlie calling for him. 

“Hey Al, Where are you going?”

He hadn’t thought about Where he was going, he just wanted to leave, but there were so many distractions, it was starting to piss him off. He felt his smile twitch and his ears pressed back for a second before he forced them up again and turned around to face the princess. 

“No where in particular, why do you ask?”

Charlie shifted her feet a bit before answering. “just cause you usually don’t leave so soon, and we have a lot of work to do today, we had a few more patrons-“

“Wonderful! I might do that when I get back.” He said, cutting her off before she could make him stay. He would not waste the day on brainless paperwork. He’d probably die of boredom before finishing the first one.

“Might?” Charlie repeated. 

“Yes, I’ll be back!” He said quickly, teleporting away before she could object, leaving Charlie stuttering at the quick farewell. 

“Uh- okay!”

“That radio bastard. Who does he think he is? He agreed to work here, that means doing paperwork!” Vaggie said angrily. 

“You don’t know, maybe he has something important to do?” Charlie said, resting a hand on her girlfriends shoulder. 

“Yeah right. He has the attention span of a toddler.”

Alastor found himself in the center of pentagram city, the area bustling with demons of all shapes and sizes, most of which avoiding his gaze. A wise choice, as Alastor didn’t want to make the same mistake as last time and go on a murderous rampage if someone so much as looks at him wrong. He didn’t know how long he’d want to stay out, but decided to head to Mimzy’s bar for a few hours, before he’d inevitably have to head back to the hotel and do that paperwork. He couldn’t put it off forever and he didn’t want to leave that burden for Charlie, as much as he might want to. 

He could teleport, but he felt like he’d been doing that a lot, it was starting to take its toll, that’s probably why he’d slept in this morning, he’s exhausting himself. He figured walking would also be good for him to try and figure out why he’s been feeling so odd lately. He noticed walking along the sidewalk, that the passing demons avoided eye contact and kept Themselves a few feet away from him, which he greatly appreciated. Alastor passed many buildings along his walk, like the 666 news station and the porn studios. 

The sky was a bright red, showing that it was early morning. Every now and then a new demon would fall from the sky and crash to the ground withering in a ball of pain and agony. He smiled at the sight.

After a while of semi aimless walking he noticed a few rough looking demons frantically push their way through a group of others, making said others also scamper away. 

Alastor looked around curiously and noticed almost all of the demons there previously had ran away. “What-“

“Well if it isn’t Alastor, haven’t seen you in a while.”

Alastor quickly turned, jumping a bit when he nearly bumped into the tall TV demon. 

“Vox?”

“What are you doing out here all alone huh? Where’s your princess?”

Al groaned. This wasn’t helping his building rage at all. The last thing in the whole bloody world he wanted to see right now was Vox. 

“On the _moon_ .” Alastor said, pushing past the slender demon and continuing his trek to mimzy’s place. 

“Now now, no need to be rude! It’s just a friendly question!”

“I don’t care for your questions right now.” He grumbled. He just wanted to relax, which he’s finding extremely hard to do in a place like this. 

Vox followed Alastor, brushing up against the deer demon and chuckling. 

“I saw the mess you made yesterday. I must say, I’m impressed. Didn’t think you’d do something like that in front of a lady, I thought you were a gentleman.”

Alastor growled. Looked around quickly, seeing most demons had cleared out the area he and Vox were occupying. It made sense. Two overlords in the same area often meant trouble. And if Vox wanted trouble, he was going to get it. 

Alastor’s antlers were steadily growing in size, his smile stretching so far it looked painful. His claws sharpened and his eyes turned to radio dials. 

The soft static hum that usually emitted from Alastor grew higher in volume, popping every now and then as he lost himself to his growing anger. 

“Ahh”

Vox said, smiling evilly. 

“There he is. That’s the Bambi I know.”

Alastor lunged at him, pushing the TV overlord to the ground, raking his claws across his screen, grinning triumphantly as said screen glitched and cracked under the pressure. Vox growled and pushed the deer off, summoning glowing wires popping and surging with electricity. Alastor snapped and sent his shadows after Vox, opening a large hole in the ground, large black tentacles emitting from the gaping hole and grabbing Vox’s arms, forcing him down into the pit, until Vox snapped and sent the surging wires at Alastor, smiling as the radio demon screamed as he was shocked by the large wires, making him fall to his knees and struggle, the gaping pit disappearing along with his shadows and tentacles as the deer lost control, gasping and shaking and the wires constricted him tightly, shocking him every time he tried to move. Alastor bit his lip to stop from screaming. No, he would not give Vox the satisfaction of his screams. Every little movement sent sharp pains surging through his body. He couldn’t even breath without getting shocked. 

He couldn’t believe how quickly he’d been taken down, he was sure he’d win, but he succumbed to the other overlord in a mater a seconds. Everything was happening so _fast_ , he couldn’t keep up. 

The TV demon loomed over Alastor, grinning madly despite his broken screen. He couldn’t help but feel at least a little proud of himself for doing that much. By now every single demon in a far radius has fled, not wanting to get caught up in the fight. Vox pushed Alastor down with his foot, pressing hard into his abdomen with a sickening snap. Alastor screamed despite himself as his body convulsed with static electricity. He tasted the blood in his mouth from bitting his lip too hard, and he felt a few open wounds burn as the surging wires pulled tighter against him. A wire wrapped around his torso and penetrated his gut, making Alastor scream in pain, the static that naturally came from him piping and screeching. He could hardly breath, and he was sure with all the weight Vox was putting to his chest he has a few broken ribs. The wires pulled tighter and Alastor was sure he was going to pass out until Vox released him from their constricting hold. He gasped and bit back another scream as Vox pressed harder against his chest. The TV chuckled darkly, his smile splitting his screen. 

“I would kill you, but you’d just regenerate. And besides, what fun would it be if I killed you permanently anyway, huh?”

Vox moved his foot off of Alastor and he sighed in relief. The deer felt his muscles twitch from the strain. 

“Wanna know something Bambi?”

Alastor didn’t respond. He couldn’t even if he wanted to, his chest hurt, and even though Vox had released him from his hold he found he still couldn’t breathe. His body shook with the remaining electricity still flowing through his body. Everything burned and stung and he couldn’t move. 

He couldn’t even scream as Vox pulled him up by his shirt collar, and whispered in his face. 

“ _I won_ .” 

And he dropped him to the floor, walking away like it was nothing. 

And Alastor could move again. 

But he couldn’t breath. He needed to get out of here, somewhere, he just couldn’t be in public right now, his eyes stung and he felt his throat tighten. He curled on his side as his breathing quickened, the air around him turning so thick he felt like he was suffocating. The edges of his eyes blurred dark and he saw little black dots filling his vision. He didn’t want to be here. He just wanted to be at home, alone, in a bright room where he could breath freely without ever fearing a thing. It was  so _dark_ here, and Alastor  hated the dark, he was _scared_ , and confused, it was _so dark_ . He didn’t want to be alone in the dark.

With what little power he had left he teleported himself to the first place that came to mind, the hotel. He had planned for his room, but apparently that was to much to ask, as he was teleported to the middle of the hotels lobby. 

_At least it wasn’t dark_. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for typos


	3. Collar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is kinda mild compared to the ones to come, especially the next one, so be prepared

Alastor collapsed on the floor and curled on his side, his body aching and shaking, his chest rattled as he tried desperately to take in a breath, to no avail. He felt tears fall down his face and his smile, which he’d somehow managed to keep up throughout the whole ordeal, fall.   
He curled even further into himself as he heard the surprised gasps of the hotel staff. He heard Charlie’s concerned voice echo as he closed his eyes tight. His ears were pressed back and he wrapped his arms around his abdomen, which he assumed was bleeding, because a red spot was slowly making itself known on his white button up. He hadn’t even realized his suit jacket had been lost sometime during the fight.   
“Alastor- oh my gosh what happened?”  
He wanted to leave. He didn’t want to be here, he wanted to wallow in his room alone, he wanted to get back at Vox for making him succumb to such lows, to crying on the hotel lobby floor with broken ribs and a mysterious stab wound in his abdomen. He hated how worried they sounded. He hated how he couldn’t breath, and how no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t stop the burning behind his eyes. He was so mad. Mad at Vox, mad at the hotel, mad at the paperwork Charlie made him do, he hated all the hands on him, pulling him up and trying to pry his hands away from his chest, he hated everyone trying to help him, because he didn’t need help, he was the radio demon! he hated this stupid hotel and everything in it, he wanted this hotel to disappear, to be destroy, he hated it so much, he hated everything!

“What happened? Dads going to be here any minute!” Charlie cried, kneeling down beside Alastor, her voice laced with concern.   
“Let’s get him to his room, he’s pretty fucked up..” angel said, walking over to the deer and pulling him up, wincing when his staticky feedback gave a high pitched squeal, making their ears hurt. 

Alastor growled, he didn’t want to be here, with all these noises and hands and people. He flexed his hand, a black hole was growing underneath the group of sinners surrounding him, black tentacles slithered out of the pit as it grew and climbed up the walls, knocking down the framed pictures that hung there in its path, Alastor could barely register the screaming, the panicked voices telling him to stop, the people pulling him away from the ever growing black pit, every second that passed Alastor felt himself grow more tired and angry.   
“Alastor stop!”  
“Your going to kill us!”  
“Calm down!”  
“Stop it!”  
He ignored them and kept going, the hole slowly got bigger and bigger, engulfing everything that lay in its path. Behind him his shadows wriggled and grinned manically. He balled his fist up, half of the hotels main floor was nearly gone, the sinners occupying the rooms on upper stories scampered and screamed as they felt themselves being pulled into the ever growing black pit.

“Alastor!”

The hotels lights shattered, making the building shake, bits of glass and ceiling had started falling to the floor in the now dark establishment. Most of the screaming had stopped, because from what Alastor could see, no one but the staff was still there. Most had fled, even though the black pit he had summoned had stopped growing, now just the tentacles caused havoc, knocking things down as they grew in length. 

He would have kept going, if he hadn’t felt the last of his powers fizzle out, the pit shrinking in an instant, the things that fell in not returning to its place, the knocked down picture frames still lay on the ground, cracked and shattered. The lights still broken and most of the hotels bottom floor was covered in debris. He heard footsteps and frantic talking, it sounded like Charlie and some man. Alastor has been standing on his knees, but now he had slumped against the wall, near what was left of the bar. He saw husk nifty and angel a few feet away from him. His ears pressed back as Alastor felt himself being pulled up by the back of his shit collar, then from under his arms, and he tired to resist, he didn’t want any of this. He just wanted to sleep for years. He was so mad, but he was far to tired to do anything else.   
Alastor tried to struggle against the strong hold the unknown person had him in, he wriggled and squirmed and tried to get them to let go, but he couldn’t and he let his arms drop, they hurt from were they person was holding him up. He sighed and closed his eyes. It wasn’t like he could see anything anyway, not with the hotels lights shattered on the floor. He’d rather be in the dark with his eyes closed then in the dark with them open, and even though he was in no way alone right now, he felt alone, like an animal who just got caught by a hunter, who was now holding up his kill to his friends.   
“..dad, dont hurt him.” Charlie said, her voice hoarse from yelling. Alastor opened his eyes a bit and he could see her face from we’re he was being held up, she had tear streaks along her cheeks, fresh tears still falling down.   
..dad?   
“Well what shall I do with him Charlotte? He’s a danger to you and your friends.. and to himself it seems.”  
Lucifer said, chuckling a bit, adjusting his hold on the deer, pointing to the marks on his arms and face, and poking him near his wound. Alastor winced and closed his eyes. He didn’t want to see the mess he’d made. Why did he keep messing up? Every time he goes out he messes something up.. he was so tired. When did Lucifer get here? He was missing big pieces of the events occurring right before him... So tired. 

“I don’t know, but you can’t hurt him, just.. I’ll keep an eye on him, he won’t cause anymore trouble.” Their voices were fuzzy. All he could really hear was their conversation through crackling static.   
Lucifer shook his head, his smile never faltering. 

“You’ve gotten attached, Charlotte, but for that reason I suppose I can do something to reduce his destruction a little.”  
Charlie smiled, wiping her eyes, sniffling a bit. “Thank you dad, I promise he’ll be good.”  
Vaggie frowned, but put her hand on Charlie’s shoulder. She wasn’t happy with keeping Alastor around, especially after this, but if Charlie thinks he’ll do better she can’t say no.   
“Oh, he’ll be good. With this.”  
Lucifer snapped his fingers and a thin black collar appeared in his hands. The collar had a small yellow dot on one side and was slick and shiny.   
“W-what is that?”  
Charlie asked, shuffling from foot to foot, shifting her gaze to Alastor, who seemed to be sleeping uncomfortably in her fathers grasp.   
“This, dear daughter, is a shock collar. It’ll shock him whenever he gets angry, preventing him from bringing any harm to you or your friends, at least temporarily.”  
Charlie’s eyes widened.   
“That seems a little cruel, dad.” Angel, husk, and nifty were sat behind her father, all looking equally frazzled. Even Vaggie looked slightly sympathetic. 

Her father smiled and set Alastor down, clipping the collar around his neck and locking it. It gave a metallic beep, the yellow bit glowing once before dimming to a softer color. 

“This is Hell, Charlotte. Hell is cruel.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for typos


	4. Piece of cake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW for electrocution

When Alastor woke up he couldn’t move.   
He could feel though, and he felt awful. His head felt like it was full of cotton, and his arms were sore, his chest ached and whenever he shifted he felt a sharp pain travel up his spine. His body still burned, it felt as if his blood was on fire, but it hadn’t felt as bad as it did yesterday. He opened his eyes and realized he was in his room, the light was on, nearly blinding him. It seemed much brighter than it had been that morning. Was it morning? Was it even the same day? How was he even in his room at the hotel? He was sure he destroyed it, or nearly did, he supposed. 

He couldn’t remember half of what he did yesterday, and he really didn’t want to know. all he knew was that he was mad, and he still was mad. He flexed his fingers, digging his claws into the bedsheets, piercing through the soft fabric, he growled softly as he dug his claws further into the silk sheets until he felt a searing jolt of electricity travel up his back, going all throughout his body. He flinched and gasped, not having the energy to scream. The shock felt it was coming from his neck. After a few seconds of labored breathing, he desperately tried to pull himself together. After a few deep breaths, he groaned and looked around side to side, seeing no one was in his room. ‘Good’  
He thought. He didn’t want to see anyone right now, he knew they were probably furious with him. He remembered little bit of what happened yesterday, like Lucifer showing up, but he had passed out after that. When he looked around he noticed  
there were a few chairs on either side of him. The door was open and there was an open first aid kit of his burgundy dresser. He slowly pulled himself into a sitting position, wincing and bitting his lip as more pain flooded his body. It was excruciating. He whimpered softly, clenching his teeth tightly before closing his eyes. 

Once he was sat up he noticed he had a clean white button up shirt on, a different one from yesterday, as there was no blood on this one. the buttons were undone, showing he had bandages wrapped around his torso and lower abdomen. He lifted the lower bandages and saw a jagged line of messy stitches. He grimaced and put them back, lifting the red blanket covering him and frowned, noticing he wasn’t wearing any pants, just underwear. He wasn’t loving the idea of someone changing his clothes, but since he couldn’t do anything now, shrugged it off, looking at his arms. There were more bandages going all the way down to his wrists from his elbow, and a few light scraps and bruises. He groaned, leaning his head back to stare at the much to bright ceiling. 

After a few silent seconds of contemplating his life choices, he heard a small beep. Sure that it wasn’t him, he looked around the room. Maybe someone left their phone? None of the chairs along his bed adorned such cellular devices, and he didn’t see anything on his bed or his dresser..  
Another beep.   
It sounded close, really close. His ears pressed back for a second as Alastor’s body filled with dread.   
“What is that?” He mumbled to himself, wincing at how rough he sounded. He cleared his throat and lifted a hand to his neck, flinching when something cold and metal met his fingers. Alastor felt his heart sink.   
He reached both his hands to his neck, trying to take off the dreaded device, only to get another round of searing shocks racing through his body. He yelped, letting go of the collar immediately, shaking from the residual shocks still raking his body.   
He wrapped his arms around himself and gasped, eyes wide and glossy with unwanted tears, his smile gone. He closed his eyes. “W-what..”   
suddenly his room didn’t seem so bright anymore. 

“He’s up!”  
Alastor opened his eyes and looked up hesitantly to see an extremely concerned Charlie staring back at him. She stepped into the room slowly, like she was approaching a wild animal.   
Strangely, Alastor felt like a wild animal right now, and he hated it.

“Ah...”  
Another round of shocks were sent through his body and Alastor convulsed, his body flinching and shaking violently at Constant burning. 

Charlie took a step back just as Vaggie ran into the room, her spear out and an enraged look on her face.   
“..I thinks he’s angry...” Charlie whispered. Alastor hated how he felt right now. Was Charlie scared? She had a look of fear in her eyes, and she seemed set on not advancing any further towards him.   
“pequeña mierda, I’m not letting you anywhere near Charlie, not after the stunt you pulled yesterday!”

Ah, so it was the next day. That’s what he assumed, he couldn’t see the window beside his bed without screaming in agony. He smiled a bit at the familiarity of the conversation. A nervous Charlie, angry Vaggie, smug Alastor, except this time he didn’t feel so smug. It had been a while since he felt he had control, and he still had none it would seem, because as he opened his mouth to comment on Vaggie’s aggressive statement, no words had come out. 

Charlie sighed and took a few steps forward, standing beside his bed with a look of uncertainty.   
“Charlie, don’t-“ Vaggie was silenced as Charlie held her hand up. She took another step so she was standing right next to Alastor. 

This didn’t feel right. He wasn’t going to attack her, so why did she seem so cautious?  
Alastor pulled his knees up to his chest. He hated how vulnerable he felt like this.   
Another shock.   
And another.   
And another.   
Charlie gasped as Alastor bit his lip as he shook, a small gasp left his lips as he was gripping to the blankets covering him like it was his lifeline. He rested his head on his knees, his ears pressed back. His hair was a little messy, and the fur on the tips of his ears were frizzy, probably from the shocks. Her heart broke. Charlie knew there were better ways to handle Alastor’s anger than this, this was just far to cruel. She felt tears brimming her eyes as she watched Alastor struggle not to scream. She knew he knew she was scared. Charlie knew she was scared, not for Alastor but Of Alastor. She didn’t want to admit it, because Alastor always looked so upset whenever she would flinch at his touch. He didn’t want Charlie to be afraid of him, she knew that. That’s why it was so hard, seeing Alastor like this, it scared her, because she knew that if Alastor got mad enough he wouldn’t care who he hurt, he would just destroy everything, and Charlie didn’t want to believe it, but she had just witnessed it! How could she avoid the truth when it was painted so clearly in front of her? She didn’t want to accept that.. but she had to if she was going to help him. 

He was confused. And confusion can turn into uncertainty, uncertainty can turn into vulnerability, vulnerability can turn into anger, and anger gets him shocked. She couldn’t stand to see him suffer like this.   
This wasn’t right, this might be hell, but even hell has its limits. 

“Alastor listen, what you did back there was really bad, you could have hurt a lot of people, we’re still trying to repair the damages you’ve caused, and I know your confused right now, you don’t know what’s going on, but you have to calm down, because if you don’t, you’ll just keep on getting shocked.”  
Charlie didn’t know if Al was listening, but he had slowed his breathing down, and his grip on the sheets were a lot less tight. She sighed with relief when she put her hand on his knee and he didn’t freak out.   
“I-I don’t know what happened for you to get all these injuries, or for you to get so mad and nearly destroy the hotel, but maybe you can tell me? You don’t have to if you don’t want to, but I think it’d be good for us to know.”  
After a moment Alastor shook his head.   
“Okay, that’s fine.. are you hungry?”

Yes.   
He was starving.   
When was the last time he ate?  
It had been a few days. He had just been so confused and caught up in his head he didn’t realize he was pushing it. He knew he should eat, he wanted to eat, but he couldn’t. He didn’t feel like he should be asking for anything, especially after what he did.   
He shook his head no, not trusting his voice not to waver. He didn’t want to lift his head and see their angry faces. They must hate him now.   
He also didn’t want to lift his head because he knew he was crying. Or maybe that was just the burning he still felt behind his eyes? He couldn’t tell.   
“Okay.. well when you get hungry tell me okay? We’re... we’re really worried right now Al.”  
“Let’s give him some space, Charlie.” Charlie nodded and the hand on his knee left. Alastor didn’t move until he heard the two woman’s feet retreating down the hall.   
Once they had left Alastor sighed shakily. 

‘-calm down, because if you don’t, you’ll just keep getting shocked.’

So he needed to be calm. That’s easy, he could do that, not get angry? Hah!

Piece of cake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for typos


	5. Normal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one is some much needed fluff, just thought I’d give Al a break

After Charlie and Vaggie had left Alastor assumed no one else would come in, but they had left the door open. It was getting darker in his room- ‘ _when had they turned off the light?_ ’ - and Alastor was feeling a little antsy. He wanted to move, but he didn’t know what would set the collar off and shock him, and he did not want to get shocked anymore tonight. 

He sighed and stretched his legs out, picking at the bandages on his wrists with lack of interest, when his ears perked up. Footsteps, someone was coming.

They sounded like heels, or fancy dress shoes, clicking on the marble floors of the hotels hallways. 

He felt his hair stand on end, there were two people he expected to show up in his door way and he was really hoping for one over the other. 

Thankfully, the fluffy spider made his way into his room. Alastor sighed softly in relief.

“Hey Al, how ya doin’?” Angel asked uncertainty, hovering close to the door, his hand on the decorative door lining.

Alastor didn’t know what to say at first. He was doing bad, very very bad, but he didn’t want to say that, especially not to Angel. He smiled as best he could before answering. 

“ _Peachy_.”

Angel frowned, taking a few more steps into the room. 

“You won’t freak out if I sit here will ya?”

He asked, pointing to the end of the bed. 

Alastor nodded no, bringing his legs up a bit so he could sit. 

Angel sat, leaning back on his lower set of arms, his upper set crossed under his fluff. 

“So, uh.. what was that all about yesterday smiles?”

He knew he was going to ask that, because everyone would be asking that until he gave them the answer they wanted, The Truth, but not even _Alastor_ knew the truth. 

He felt a small shock go down his spine and he flinched, noticing how Angels eyes widened and he scooted a bit back. 

_That_. yeah, he _hated_ that. 

they were scared of him, obviously.

Alastor winced, rubbing his neck and as he tried to regulate his breathing. 

“Please..”

Angel looked confused. Alastor _felt_ confused, he didn’t know why he said that, but he did know he wanted the light on, it was getting far to dark in here and he wasn’t enjoying that at all. 

“What was that Al?”

“Can you- uh.. turn on the light?”

His voice was a bit rough so he cleared his throat, looking at his hands nervously, fully expecting Angel to ignore his request and walk out of the room as fast as possible.He felt angel stand up from the bed and walk to the door. 

Then the light turned on. 

Al looked up and blinked, surprised when he saw angel smirking down at him. 

“What, Bambi? Scare of the dark?”

He teased. 

Alastor scoffed, crossing his arms

“What a ridiculous thing to be scared of. I’m the _Radio Demon_ , I don’t  _ get _ scared.”

“So you won’t mind if I turn of the light and close the door?”

Angel laughed hysterically when Alastor’s eyes widened and his ears went back. 

“I’m fuckin’ with ya Al! Hah! Man..”

Angel walked over and sat at the end of the bed again, this time a little closer. 

This was fine. He was fine with this, he  _ liked _ this, it felt..  _ somewhat _ normal, and Alastor _desperately_ needed normal right now. 

“So, uh... have you gotten up yet? I bet you wanna go walk around a lil right?”

He did, he really wanted to just go out and pretend nothing happened, pretend he was okay and had everything under control, pretend he hadn’t nearly destroyed the hotel and everyone in it, but he couldn’t. Alastor felt his smile shrink a bit as Angel looked on, apoplectic.

“Isn’t it a mess out there? I doubt anyone wants to see me right now..” he asked, ears down. 

“Nah, Lucifer cleaned everything up, I’m sure you coulda done a whole lot more damage if ya hadn’t been so beat up.”

“Lucifers still here?”

Angel nodded solemnly. 

“Yeah, he’s leaving tomorrow though, and he ain’t that mad, he was gunna do a lot worse than that.”

Angel pointed to the sleek black collar on the deers neck, smiling sadly. 

“Man, I’m sorry Al. Just so ya know, none of us think this is the right way ta’ punish you, even Vaggie and husk think Charlie’s pops went a lil’ too far this time.”

Alastor looked away, face blank and smile small. He decided to stare at the contents of the first aid kit on his dresser, rather then look at Angels sympathetic face. 

He flinched when he felt the spider tug at the collar. He pulled his hands back immediately. 

“Sorry, jus’ checking’ it out s’all.” He said, rubbing his arms. 

“I tried taking it off. I don’t think either of us will be able too.” Alastor said, seemingly reading the question from angels mind. 

“Do you wanna get up? I can help ya if you want.” Angel asked again. 

Alastor blushed a bit, looking away. 

“I uh, I don’t have any pants on..”

Angel said nothing for a few seconds before laughing. 

“Oh yeah! I forgot, heh, hold up Bambi, lemme get you some clothes.” He said, giggling as he stood and walked into Al’s closet, walking out after a second with a pair of pants and a white button up. 

“Here, I’ll let ya get changed, I’ll come back up in ten minutes, smiles.” Angel said, making his way to the door. 

“Just call me if ya need any help~” the spider winked before closing the door. 

Alastor scoffed, rolling his eyes and sighing. He looked at the clothes angel gave him and stood up, wobbling at first, before regaining his balance on the small dresser beside his bed. His body still ached, but by now the pain has dulled. Most of his wounds were healing already, as demons regenerated fast in hell and didn’t need down time to recover like humans did on earth. He pulled off his shirt with some difficulty and slipped on the new on, dropping the one he was wearing before to the floor. He tried pulling his pants on, falling over a couple of times and struggling to keep them up. His hands didn’t seem to be working with him, his body felt numb, like how it felt when your arm fell asleep. His whole body felt.. asleep. After ten minutes of struggling with his pants he gave up and decided to leave them unbuttoned. His thumbs didn’t seem to be working either. He could only manage half the buttons on his shirt before falling back on his bed with an irritated sigh, a few small shocks making him jolt a bit. Loud knocks sounded on the other side of the door and Al felt his ears perk up. 

“Hey Al, you done?”

He looked down. 

“...Practically.” He said. 

“That’s all I needed to hear.” Angel laughed, opening the door and giggling at the sight before him. 

“Had some trouble it would seem.” He laughed again, sitting beside the deer. 

“Need help?” He asked, leaning over and beginning to button his shit all the way without waiting for an answer. 

Alastor admired his bravery. If he didn’t have this awful collar he would have ripped his head off... That’s a lie. He probably would have let him either way, something Alastor had a hard time admitting to himself. When angel reached down to button his pants however, Alastor shot up, covering it with a pillow. 

“ ** _No_**.” He growled, his voice laced with static, ignoring the shocks he got sent down his body. Angel held his hands up, scooting a bit back, smiling sheepishly “Whoops.”

Alastor sighed, throwing the pillow and struggling with his button again, after a few seconds he managed to do it, no thanks to his useless thumbs. He leaned back and stared at the ceiling, not moving when Angel laid down next to him. 

Alastor has a lot on his mind. He knew he wouldn’t be able to get better if he wasn’t honest with the people who chose to stay with him after his mistakes, but there were only so many people he could talk to honestly without being scrutinized or judged. He didn’t know these people well enough to throw his emotions onto them, and he certainly didn’t want to do that now, but Angel was here, he wasn’t as scared as anyone else probably was. Maybe he just didn’t care about self preservation as much as the others, maybe he was stupid. Whatever it was, Alastor admired, because he couldn’t even comprehend how Angel did the things he did. He didn’t run away right away, he stayed, Hell, he’s  _ still _ here, and they weren’t even doing anything! He came back, just like he said he would, and helped him, even if was just buttoning his shirt for him, it was the tiniest gestures of kindness Alastor wasn’t used to, it was so _strange_ , and _foreign_ to him, he was so used to being feared, to being hated, he didn’t realize how nice these people were to him, and that was the greatest entertainment of all. He would do _endless_ amounts of paperwork for  _ this _ , everyday.

“Angel?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you think they hate me now?”

Even though the question held little to no context, Angel still knew what he was asking. It was an honest question, and Angel knew why Al was asking it. He was nervous. He didn’t know what was going on right now, he’d been unconscious half the time anyways. 

After Alastor nearly destroyed the hotel, everyone was understandably frazzled. Al had been gone since that morning, and Angel had a feeling something was wrong when he saw him a few nights ago. He should have said something, maybe then he could have prevented all of this. He knew what happened to Al when he came back to the hotel that evening, Vox had told Val, and angel had overheard the whole conversation. Immediately he went back to the hotel, hoping to find Al somewhere along the way, not expecting to see everything that happened at all. Angel also knew Lucifer was coming to visit Charlie later that day too. She was talking about it nonstop before he went to work. She had been trying to tell Alastor that before he left but he was gone before she could get the sentence out. 

“No, Al, I don’t think they hate you.”

He answered honestly. He knew they were scared, they had all talked about it when he carried Al up to his room after Lucifer put the Collar on him. He knew Vaggie didn’t hate him either, she might’ve acted like she hated him all the time, but she looked close to tears and when he was unconscious, covered in bruises and wounds, broken ribs and burns. Charlie and Nifty  were crying, and even husk looked pretty upset, he started drinking a lot more after the whole ordeal. 

“But-“

“Alastor, listen.”

People kept telling him to listen. He  _ was _ listening, he  _ was _ paying attention, he hated being treated like a _kid_ , like a dangerous animal, like a feral cat, he just wanted to be treated  _ normally _ .

Al felt tears brimming his eyes, he looked up, trying to keep them from falling. the scene broke Angel’s heart. 

He turned so he was facing Alastor. 

“They’re all scared, and I know your scared too, people do crazy things when their scared, I know your not dangerous, and they know your not a danger, but being scared makes people see things differently. It’ll take some time for them to realize that, but it won’t be forever, I promise.”

Angel treated him like a person. 

Like a human, like an _equal_. There was no fear, no hate, just sincereness. 

That’s all he ever wanted, was to be treated normally, and Angel was giving that to him. He didn’t get shocked too much around him. He wanted to be around Angel more, if it meant being treated normally, and not getting shocked, and spending time with the arachnid, he wanted to stay with Angel forever. 

Alastor let the tears fall down his cheeks as he curled on his side, facing Angel.

“Do you mean that?” He asked softly. 

Angel smiled, turning to face the shorter demon fully. 

“Yeah, I do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for typos


	6. Accident

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW panic attacks and electrocution

“Is he awake?”  
“Yeah, I’m pretty sure, dad..”  
“Wonderful.” 

Lucifer made his way to the stairs, his apple cane in his right hand as his left adjusted his hat, his smile broadening. 

The hotels lobby was back to normal, the pictures that fell hadn’t been put back up yet, but the bar was fixed, and so were the walls and the floor. Husk was crumpled over the bar counter, a bottle of cheap rum held lazy in his paws. He had been like that for a few hours now, every now and then he was would snore obnoxiously, it being muffled by the bar countertop.   
Angel was sitting on the couch, texting Cherri. He had been spending a lot of time with Alastor this past week, Charlie duly noted. She was glad for that, for a while she was afraid they would never get along but now they’re hardly apart. Speaking of Alastor, she hadn’t really talked to him about what happened, she also hadn’t been giving him any paper work to do, she knew how much he hated boring stuff like that, so when Vaggie offered to help with the extra workload she happily agreed. 

She was... unsure. She wouldn’t say she didn’t trust Al, she did! It’s just.. she couldn’t risk losing the hotel and it’s patrons if he got mad again, so she kept him away from all the boring stuff. 

He had been acting somewhat normally, Her father was suppose to leave a day after the incident, but he had decided to stay for a couple more days. Today he was leaving, though, and he hadn’t talked to Alastor yet. They had been giving him a few days to recuperate, about a week and a half. Lucifer said they needed to introduce anger slowly so he knew what got him shocked and what didn’t, but Charlie couldn’t bring herself to purposefully get Alastor to shock himself. Besides, he seemed to be learning well enough on his own. He hadn’t been getting shocked as much as he was when he first woke up, and whenever he was with angel, she didn’t think he ever got shocked badly, which Charlie praised him for, at a distance, of course.. and no, she didn’t like avoiding the deer demon, she didn’t relish the hurt looks he would make when she would flinch away, and how she would stand back. Every now and then she’d witness Al get shocked, and she can’t help but look away, to get out of the room, because it scares her, and it shouldn’t, it should scare Alastor, but he seemed pretty used to it by now, and when Vaggie yelled at him the other day for something she couldn’t even remember, Alastor didn’t even flinch when he got shocked. That was what really scared her the most. 

“Dad, don’t shock him please.” She begged, following her father up the stairs.   
“He’s had enough.”  
Lucifer chuckled and shook his head, stopping when he got to Alastor’s floor.   
“I’ll let you know when he’s gotten enough, Charlotte.”  
Charlie couldn’t step any further into the hall, her body frozen. She looked down and sighed, rubbing her arm. 

She wished she could do something to stop this, she really did, she knew it was wrong, that this was hurting Al, but a small part of her new this was keeping her people safe. She couldn’t risk this, could she? Not when it was just starting to get better...

Lucifer knocked on the door twice, waiting a few seconds before knocking again.   
No answer.   
As expected. 

He opened the door with a flick of his wrist, shutting it behind him as he entered the well lit room. Very well lit, almost painfully so.   
Alastor was sitting on his bed, his back against the headboard and his knees up to his chest. He was running his claws along the scars on his arms. He hadn’t seemed to take notice to the other being in the room, the only thing giving Lucifer a sign Alastor knew he was there was the twitching of the deers ears.   
Lucifer chuckled softly and walked further into the red room, stopping when he was beside the deer, smiling down at him.   
“You understand why this is happening, do you not?”  
All Alastor gave in response was a dull nod.   
“Right. Well I want you to know this, Alastor, if you put my daughter in danger like this again the consequences will be far more dire than a shock collar.” Lucifer finished his sentence by grabbing the deer by the collar, making him face him. He smiled.   
“Act like an animal, get treated like an animal.”

Alastor couldn’t help but growl. He wanted to rip his throat out and carve his head out like a fucking pumpkin-  
“Ah!” A large wave of painful shocks traveled through his body, shaking his thin frame with sharp volts of electricity. 

Lucifer cackled, throwing his head back as he laughed.   
“That is all!” He finished, turning around swiftly and walking out of the room. 

After the shocks died down Alastor was left an angry panting mess. He felt the familiar burn behind his eyes as his throat tightened up.   
No! He was doing so good!   
He hadn’t gotten a shock that bad in days!   
Alastor tried to laugh, but all that came out was high pitched radio feedback and a hoarse whimper.   
Alastor panicked. Not wanting to get shocked again, he tried calming down, breathing slowly, then he was breathing too slowly, he picked it up, too fast, too fast! His chest heaved as more shocks flowed throughout his body. He screamed despite himself, he had tried really hard to keep it in, not wanting anyone to hear his struggle. Why did this hurt so much more?  
He grabbed his collar, pulling as hard as he could. He kept pulling whenever he got shocked, but pulling on it just made him keep getting shocked He fell off the bed and to the floor, onto his back, pulling on the collar, desperately trying to pry the horrid device of his neck. His vision was blurred with tears and he could taste blood in his mouth from biting his lip too hard. He screamed again, rolling onto his side and pulling harder on the ghastly thing, shocks racking his body. 

He heard his door open and voices calling his name, he pulled on the collar when it shocked him for the tenth time, gasping and kicking at the hands on his body. He couldn’t handle any touch right now, his body ached, and his skin burned.   
He felt a sharp pain as his claws pierce his neck, he felt the blood running down his hands as they were pried from his collar. Why was it so dark again? He made sure his room had enough light, Angel had helped him put a bunch more lamps in his room, so why was it so dark?

“Alastor, hey calm down, deep breaths, come on, breath with me, copy me, okay?”  
That was angel, Angel was here, he was fine! Angel was here, what was he saying? Breath? Right.. he hadn’t thought about doing that before.  
He opened his eyes, seeing the blood covering his hands, and for some reason that freaked him out more. Did he hurt someone? He hadn’t meant to! Radio feedback broke through the voices all around him like a record scratching. He saw lucifers fancy black dress shoes in his peripheral vision and he panicked when he stepped closer. Hadn’t he left? No.. he started getting shocked just as he closed the door, he wouldn’t be out of the building in that amount of time, right? No, breath, it doesn’t matter-  
“Yeah, just like that Al, keep breathing, that’s it.”  
Lucifer leaned over and grabbed his neck, causing Alastor to squirm and his breathing to pick up again.   
“He’s just taking the collar off Al, just for a little bit.”  
That was Charlie, what was she doing in here? Didn’t she hate him?   
He decided to just keep following Angels instructions. He was calm, like he’d done this so many times before. He felt the cold air of his room hit his collar-less neck and he felt his vision clear up, it wasn’t so dark anymore, his chest didn’t feel so blocked up any more. He could breath, it was okay, Angel was here, he felt him here, he was warm, a nice transition from the cold he was used to feeling in his room. He felt hands in his neck, two many hands, he didn’t like that, but he was far to tired to do anything about it. He was bleeding from his neck, he did that to himself, didn’t he? It wasn’t the collar, and he didn’t hurt anyone besides himself, he was relieved for that.. He probably would have accidentally killed himself if no one had came into his room, not that it would matter, for a number of reasons. Honestly, maybe dying wouldn’t be so bad, even though he would just regenerate, the collar would be gone, right? He could only hope so. Maybe he’d have to test that theory some time later. It wouldn’t matter if he would just fall back into hell.. maybe he could find a holy weapon. He always wondered what would happen if he got stabbed with a holy weapon. Erasion? If he was erased he wouldn’t be able to see Angel again, though. Maybe that was a price to pay? No, he didn’t want to leave angel, he liked angel..  
“Keep I’m breathin’ Bambi, you got it..”  
Angel had his arms wrapped around the deer as Charlie worked on his neck. It wasn’t a deep wound, but if left untreated Alastor would have definitely “died” and regenerated.   
Alastor leaned onto angel, his face on the spiders chest. He reached up to touch his collar free neck. “Ah..” he breathed out softy.   
After charlie was done she stepped away, wiping her bloody hands on the towel Vaggie handed her. Alastor looked up at her and mumbled an apology, which she frowned at. He didn’t need to apologize, why was he? She’d have to talk to him about self preservation and suicide after things calmed down.   
Her frown deepened as her father reached back into his pocket and grabbed the collar, moving Alastor’s hands that had wrapped around his neck, Alastor had struggled against lucifers gloved hands as he clipped the shocking device back on with a sinister grin on his face.   
Alastor’s ears were pinned back, his smile has been extremely small throughout the whole ordeal, but as soon as the collar went back on it disappeared. It made Charlie’s heart hurt. Angel hugged the deer a bit tighter, resting his head on the shorter’s shoulder. 

“Well that was quite an unexpected turn of events! Still, I need to be going, dear Charlotte. Please do keep an eye on him, I don’t want to come back just to replace that collar again.” And with that, Lucifer left the room, smile never fading.   
The four in the room sat in silence before Charlie broke it a few seconds later with a soft sigh.   
“..Al, did you do that on purpose?” She asked softly.   
“No.” He hissed, but the harsh one-word response held no venom.   
Charlie was skeptical. She didn’t quite believe it was totally an accident, but decided to let it slide for now and bring it up at a later time.   
“Okay, well-“  
“Bullshit.” Vaggie interrupted, pointing an accusatory finger at the radio demon.   
“That’s a lie and you know it!”   
“Vaggie calm down, leave him alone.”  
Charlie said, trying to calm the hysterical woman.   
Vaggie looked at her girlfriend before sighing and pinching the bridge of her nose.  
“Fine, but I’m not dropping this. cabrón!”  
She said angrily, poking Al on the shoulder.   
“Don’t pull another dumb stunt like that again!”  
She let herself be led out of the room by Charlie, who looked back and bid the two a goodnight, the worried look she’d been wearing since entering the room twice as apparent.   
After they left and closed the door angel heard a small hiss of pain from his chest and saw little sparks of electricity emit from the collar.  
Angel smiled sadly, trying to lighten the mood.   
“See? She does care bout’ ya. Told ya.” Alastor scoffed and pushed away from the spider, rubbing his neck, looking out the window. 

The hell sky was getting darker, turning to more of a deep reddish-purple.   
Alastor sighed and turned to angel, his eyes glistening.   
“Can you stay with me for tonight?”  
Angel smiled.   
“Sure.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for typos


	7. A cause to be cautious

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No trigger warning for this one besides a little bit of shocking and mentions of (Accidental) suicide attempts

The next week after promising Charlie he would talk to her about his ‘feelings and emotions’ as she so eloquently put it, he was allowed to go out. Of course, he didn’t walk anywhere, he teleported himself the places he wanted to go, he would not walk around with a shock collar on in public like some disobedient dog.   
He had decided to spend the day with his best friend, Rosie. She was always a joy, and all the feelings he’s been subjected to at the hotel was putting a heavy damper on his mood. Upon his arrival Rosie greeted him with a smile. “My my, Wasn’t expecting you to pay me a visit today Alastor, come in why don’t you?”   
Alastor stepped foot into Rosie’s well furnished foyer, looking around at all the abstract paintings on the walls and the grey tone furniture all around the well lit roomy area. “Would you like a cup of tea, dearie? Coffee?”  
He smiled softly. This was what he was used to, this kind of familiarity was refreshing.   
“Coffee would be wonderful, thank you.”  
Rosie nodded, bringing the tea tray over to the large balcony on the side of room, setting it down on a small white table on the side. She took a seat and so did Alastor, taking a sip of his hot beverage. 

“So let me start off this conversation by asking what that atrocious contraption is on your neck?” Rosie asked, bringing the tea cup up to her mouth, a smile on her lips.   
Alastor gave her a deadpan look, narrowing his eyes.   
“I know Charlie told you.” He said, his reply not matching the amusement on his dear friends face. 

“You don’t know, maybe this will help you learn to control your anger. You’ve lived so long without caring about consequences, maybe it’s time you change-“ 

“Stop talking!” He yelled, standing up from his seat angrily, his chair falling to the floor.   
“That’s not true!” His antlers started growing in size, making cracking sounds as they grew, radio feedback blared loudly before a wave of volts made him stop, his antlers shrinking back to normal. Rosie seemed unfazed by the whole scene in front of her, calmly sipping her tea. 

Alastor growled, a few sparks shooting out of his collar making him wince. 

After a few deep breaths Alastor sighed.   
“...I don’t think your giving an adequate response.”  
“I don’t think you know what your talking about.”  
Alastor sneered, picking up his chair and pushing it in before waking to the end of the balcony’s railing, leaning over and watching the neon buildings across the city. Car horns honking and demon screams filled the air. The bell tower showed 164 days until the next cleanse.   
Rosie had stood up and joined Alastor leaning on the railing, watching him.   
“They don’t trust me”  
The sudden statement threw her off, she hadn’t expected him to say anything more.   
“I beg your pardon?”  
“Everyone at the hotel, they think I’ll go berserk if they make me mad..”  
Rosie chuckled. “I’m sure that’s not true.”  
“Well it is! No one gets near me, no one looks at me, they think I’m a twit for not noticing but I do!”  
At the increase of volume small sparks fell out of the collar, making him grimace.   
He looked down, his anger vanishing.   
“I just.. I had finally got to a place I wanted to be there, it was finally getting interesting, but now it’s just... irritating. I didn’t mean to attack the hotel, they were helping me.”  
He whispered the last sentence, crossing his arms on the railing and resting his head on them.   
“You destroyed the hotel-“  
“I didn’t destroy it, darling.” Alastor hissed.   
“Nearly destroyed it, but what for? You just said yourself they were trying to help you, attacking them for no reason, I do believe they have a cause to be cautious.”

Alastor lifted his head, giving Rosie a deer in the headlights look.   
“I... I guess I didn’t think of that, I don’t know why I attacked the hotel like that.”  
Rosie nodded, turning and walking off to the side of the balcony slowly, pouring herself another glass of tea from the kettle she placed on the little white table.   
“Give them time, learn to control your anger, that’s all Lucifer wants you to do.”

Lucifers words never left his head after their little chat.

‘Act like an animal, get treated like an animal.’

He wanted to rip his guts out, but he couldn’t do anything without getting shocked, because a week ago he had been nothing but angry, now he was calmer, and he could see things a bit clearer, that didn’t make it hurt any less, though- seeing the distrust in Charlie’s eyes, not even husk or Vaggie has been as mean and rude as they usually were.  
At least Angel was treating him normally..

At least Charlie wasn’t making him do paperwork. A small price to pay for entertainment.. well, this didn’t feel like entertainment anymore, it felt like punishment. 

He was knocked out of his thoughts when he heard Rosie’s laughs.   
Alastor turned and made a face.   
“What’s so funny, dear?”  
Rosie took a couple seconds to catch her breath before she answered.   
“Maybe if you’d stop trying to off yourself you’d make faster progress, dearie.”  
She chuckled out.   
Alastor scoffed accusatory.   
“I did not try to kill myself, it was an accident! I would never stoop to such lows!”  
“Right, an accident, how unfortunate for you.” She laughed.   
Alastor subconsciously rubbed at the cut along his throat. “It was an accident” he mumbled.   
He hadn’t meant to do it, it was just a poorly executed plan to remove the dreaded collar that was taken the wrong way by the hotel staff. For a few glorious seconds, Lucifer has removed the collar so Charlie could patch him up, and Alastor would savor that moment in his mind for a millennia. He would slit his throat every day just to get the collar off for a few more minutes, which, now that he thought about, made him sound even more unstable then he felt.  
Rosie, seemingly understanding his inner turmoil, decided to talk about something to get his mind off of everything. That’s why he had come over, right?  
“Well I could use a change of subject, couldn’t you?”  
Alastor nodded, walking over to the small table they had been sitting at before and taking his seat, crossing his legs. Rosie smiled, sipping her tea.   
“So I hear Vox got slipped a Micky Finn.”  
Alastor smiled.   
“Kippy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for typos 
> 
> 30s slang:  
> Micky Finn- a drug put into drinks That makes the target unconscious
> 
> Kippy- neat


	8. Tell Her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: self harm and electrocution

Two weeks. _Two whole weeks_ he’s had the blasted collar on and it’s been, well, _Hell_. 

Sparks traveled down his spine as he grew more agitated. He stared at his hands, folded neatly in his lap. 

Charlie had forced him into her office today, and despite his desire  not listen he really didn’t have a choice. They would be about seven feet apart, which Alastor thought was a bit excessive. The small, poorly furnished room barley accommodating the large brown desk Charlie was previously seated at. She was currently talking to Vaggie outside the room, probably because neither of them fully trusted him. Alastor sighed, opting to look around the room at all the pictures on the walls. Most of them were of her and Vaggie, some were of her parents, but there was one framed right by his chair, a picture of everyone when the hotel opened, after Alastor came. 

Everyone was smiling..

The door opened and shut and Alastor turned to the princess. 

“So, Al.” Charlie started nervously, taking her seat again. “Where do you want to start?” 

Alastor tilted his head a bit, not understanding the question. 

“I beg your pardon?”

Charlie fiddled with the things in her desk, a capped pen tight in her grip. 

“Well, why do you think you’ve been so easily.. _aggravated_ , as of recently?” Charlie smiled encouragingly, though it was small, it was real, not as forced as he’s seen before. 

Alastor grinned. He might’ve been forced in here, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t have at least a little fun. 

“I’ve been thinking about dogs in China, it really riles me up.” He leant back in his chair, a smirk on his face. 

Charlie frowned, sitting up and running her hand across her face with a small groan. 

“Al, I need you to take this seriously! How are we going to rehabilitate you if you keep acting so immature.”

Alastor nearly frowned. 

“ _ Rehabilitate _ ?” He laughed. 

“No no no no, I don’t  _ need _ rehabilitation, my dear, there no fixing  me .” He knew this was coming, he just didn’t know she would put it so blatantly. He didn’t  want to be redeemed, why couldn’t she see that!

“Al-“

“ ** _No_**!” Sparks flew out of the collar, making him wince. 

“I came here for entertainment, but _this_ -“ he angrily pointed to the collar beeping red, shooting shocks down his body. 

“This _isn’t_ entertainment!”

Charlie was even more nervous than before, she leaned back in her chair as Alastor stood up, taking a few step closer. 

“Al, calm down-“

“No! You can’t tell me what to do, I’m tired of everyone walking on eggshells around me! What do you think I’ll do, Charlie? Go _rabid_?”

Alastor bared his teeth at the princess, raising his hands, showing his red claws. Charlie let a yelp. He stepped back, grabbing his neck as another wave of shocks hit. 

“You said I could stay and help the hotel as long as I wanted, but now I _can’t_ leave.” He hissed, his ears pressed back and smile nearly gone. “You _lied_ to me.” He took another small step back, hand still on his neck. 

“Why are you scared of me? Why do we have to sit so far away?” He said, calming down and turning back around to look at the chair across the room, nearly pushed against the wall. 

“Al, I’m sorry, these are just precautions, I know I lied, we don’t like the fact that you have to wear that collar, but there’s nothing we can do but try and make dad see you aren’t a danger-“

“By treating me like an infectious disease? Like a wild animal?”

Charlie’s frown deepened, her eyes glistening. This is what she was afraid would happen. She knew she was taking a gamble talking to Al in a closed off room alone, but she knew he wouldn’t attack her.. well, _partly_ knew, she just didn’t want to risk it.. that was something she felt ashamed for now, this collar wasn’t the only thing hurting him, it was her. She  _ had _ lied to him. She said he could stay as long as he wanted but she ended up chaining him here against his will. 

“Al, I’m so,  _ so _ sorry..”

Alastor was silent, he didn’t respond from where he was turned away from the princess. She noticed he was looking at the wall, but she paid it no mind as she stepped closer, and after a second of debating, put her hand on his shoulder. He flinched, tending and staying still for a few seconds before swiftly turning to the door and leaving without a word, the soft click of the door closing filling the now quiet room. 

Charlie sighed and looked at her fingers for a bit, then turning to see was Alastor was looking at before. 

She felt tears fill her already glossy eyes as she stared at the picture they all took after Alastor arrived with the new staff. 

They were all happy back then, _right?_

Alastor traveled through his shadows up the stairs and all the way to his room on the second floor. He didn’t bother opening the door as he snuck under it. He did, however make sure it was locked. He collapsed on his bed and curled onto his side with a shaky sigh. The whole time he was going to his room shocks had shook his body. The collar had made using his magic far more painful, as every time he did, he got zapped. He reached his arm out and summoned his mic, wincing when the all to familiar shocks shot down his neck. “Are you joking? That’s the easiest thing I do..” he mumbled harshly. 

He poofed it away and let his arm hang off the side of his bed. He supposed his chat with Charlie put of bit of a damper on his mood. He hadn’t meant to say all that stuff to her. He’s noticing he hasn’t meant to do a lot of stuff these past few weeks. 

He sneered a bit, pulling his arm back and pulling his sleeve up. He stared at his wristfor a few seconds before he had to blink, his eyes getting blurry and his face getting hot, the cause of the blurriness falling down his cheeks. He still smiled, running his claws against his skin before digging into his wrist, all five fingers in his skinny arm as he clenched his fingers together. He bit his lip, not noticing the constant rhythmic beeping coming from his collar. Large waves of shocked shot through his body, making his arms shake and the tears fall faster. He dug deeper into his arm, relishing the never ending stream of blood running drown his arm, onto his bed and on the hardwood floor. He still smiled as again he was shocked, he whimpered at the pain, coming from his arm and his neck, making his whole body feel like it was dipped in lava. It made him squirm and itch. He wasn’t quite sure why he was being shocked, he wasn’t angry. He was actually enjoying himself quite a lot. This type of pain he felt he had _control_ over, something he was severely lacking over the course of the month. He ripped his blood covered claws out of his wrist before digging back into the red wound, twisting his hand back and forth. He was staring to get a little dizzy, maybe he should stop.. the shocks were continuous, never ending it felt, but he could make them stop if he let his wrist go. He did, trying to stand up but only managing to fall to the floor in a fit of giggling, something he almost  _ never _ did. 

He took in a breath when he realized he  _ wasn’t _ breathing and let his injured arm fall to the floor with a wet smack. He winced at the searing pain all through the his body. It  _ burned _ . 

But he could control it. He smiled wider, struggling to sit up again. After a few minutes of struggling he managed to get his wobbly body to stand upright. He sighed heavily and looked down to his arm, which had gone numb. It wasn’t healing as fast as it normally would, that was odd, but not that concerning, as he honestly could care less what happened to his body at this point. He figured though, he’d need to clean up a bit. He walked into the bathroom and turned on the light.. Well, he turned on the light,  then walked into the bathroom. He took off his suit jacket with a bit of a struggle and dropped it to the floor, not bothering to take off the red button up he was wearing underneath, he simply unbuttoned it and slipped his arm out. He grimaced as more blood continued to leak out. He rested his arm in the sink, turning the water on and letting it run onto his open wound. 

Big mistake. 

He yelped loudly, jerking his arm out of the waters stream, hitting his injured limb on the faucet. 

“ _Merde_!” He hissed, bringing his arm to his chest, glaring at the still running sink. 

He sighed and turned it off. No, This wasn’t going to work.. he needed someone who knew how to tend to injuries... Alastor’s ears perked up as he knew exactly who could help him. 

He slipped his arm back into his sleeve, wincing at the pain in sent through him, and grabbed another suit jacket from his closet, slipping it on hurriedly before rushing downstairs. The day was getting later and most were in their respective rooms for the night. Husked was sitting at the bar, chugging another bottle of cheap booze. 

He set the glass down glaring at the deer. 

“Angels still at work, don’t come buggin’ me.” He grumbled. Alastor shook his head a bit too frantically and pulled the winged cat into a familiar side hug. 

“No no, my furry friend! As much as I appreciate your kind words there’s something else I need from you.” Alastor pointed to husks chest with a bloody claw, one which said cat grabbed aggressively and held into the light. 

“What the fuck.. what’d you do ya’ fuckin’ moron?” Al shrugged and pulled the cat into the back walk-in closet that was set behind the bar, filled with cleaning supplies and other random things Alastor could care less about right now. The room was dark, and fairly large for a closet. He turned to the cat. 

“I’m in need of your services my dear friend, I’ve gotten myself into quite the predicament-“

“Just tell me what you did to yourself you fucking jackass.”

Alastor pulled off his jacket with a bit of a struggle and pulled his shirt sleeve up to show husk his mangled arm. 

“Jesus- what the shit! How the hell did you do that!” The drunkard shouted harshly. 

“Shush! Your too lo-“

Al was cut off when the cat pulled him closer and wrapped his discarded jacket on the wound. 

“Your a fucking jackass y’know..” he mumbled, looking around the room with squinted eyes before turning back to the deer, glaring. 

“Hold this on there, don’t move a fuckin’ muscle till I get back you got it?” He said, pointing an accusatory claw at him. 

Alastor nodded absentmindedly, not really paying any attention to the cat. He looked down at his arm when he heard husk exit the room. 

_ What if he doesn’t come back? _

Alastor turned to look at the door. That was an odd question. Of course husker would come back! He wouldn’t just leave him here, bleeding.. he’s done it before, but he always came back eventually. 

_ What if he’s tired of helping you? _

That couldn’t be true, where was this coming from? Husker said he would be back, he wouldn’t lie, right? 

He did seem like he wanted nothing to do with Alastor, but he had always brushed that off as him being a drunk old grump. 

He wondered if husker wasn’t in a contract with him, if he’d leave. If Alastor has given him the opportunity to dissolve their deal, would he take it? Would nifty do the same? He had seen her zipping around the hotel, cleaning every speck of dust, killing every bug.. she hadn’t really talked to Alastor that much after the incident. He’d seen her talk to everyone else, Husk and Vaggie, Charlie and Angel.. but not him. 

_ Do they hate him? _

God it was _so dark_ in here, why hadn’t he noticed that before? Alastor felt himself begin to shake, something he forced himself to see as the leftover shocks still making his body buzz and burn. 

The door opened and Alastor tensed, the light from out in the lobby making the room bright for a second before the closet door closed, turning it dark again. He shook, looking to the door and sighing in relief When husker came into the room with a large dusty old first aid kit in his hands. 

“Y-you came back?” Al said, kicking himself for stuttering. Husk set the kit on a small table in the corner of the room, motioning for Al to come closer. He didn’t answer right away, busy pulling items out of the tin box. When he did he looked up, one bushy eyebrow arched and his frown deepening. 

“Yeah, I said I would, dumbass.” He grumbled, turning his attention back to the first aid. 

“Get your ass over here and sit right there.” The cat pointed a claw at the chair right by the table. Al sat, still shaking. 

“Is there a light in here? Wouldn’t that make it easier to see? With the light on?”

Husk paused, looking up and smirking. 

“Im a cat, I can see in the dark. You should be able to see too.” 

That was true. He was a deer demon, and that made seeing in the dark very simple.. that didn’t mean  being in the dark made him any less uneasy. 

Husk laughed and walked to the side of the room. For a second Alastor panicked, thinking the drunk cat was laughing at him and leaving, but said cat only turned the light on, the bulb flickering a bit before settling on a soft yellow glow. 

“Alright, your gunna need a shit ton of stitches, but first we need to clean it up a bit.” Husk said as he grabbed a small glass bottle of rubbing alcohol, grinning as Alastor’s ears pressed back a bit. 

“Now, this might burn.” 

Husk poured a bit of the liquid onto a small cloth towel, putting it to Alastor’s self-inflicted wound. 

Alastor yelped and glared at the cat, who was snickering as he ran the alcohol soaked rag across his wound. Small sparks flew down his neck and his smile tightened. Husk smirked and dropped the towel on the table after all the blood was cleaned off. “Okay. Now I’m gunna start stitching, so don’t be a baby and sit still.”

Husk pulled the needle from the case, threading it with ease, like he’d done it a million times before. 

As soon as husker put the needle to his skin, Alastor bristled, pulling his arm back and holding it to his chest like it’d been burned. 

“I think I’ll leave it like this.” He mumbled, glaring at the needle the cat was still holding. Husked was grinning madly, cackling as the deer glared, ears pressed back and smile tight. 

Alastor sneered. “As much as I love your smile husker I don’t think it’s appropriate right now.”

“Just sit still! It won’t take long you fuckin’ baby! There are three year olds that could do this!”

Alastor sighed, resting his arm hesitantly in husks outstretched paw. 

The cat began stitching, Alastor hissing every second. 

“merde! ça fait mal!”

“I don’t know what yer’ sayin’ so shut up, I’m concentrating..”

After an excruciatingly long five minutes husker pulled the needle out of the deers arm and wrapped it in medical tape. 

“Okay, your done.” The cat said, taking a swig of the booze he’d brought with him. 

Alastor jerked his hand away, pulling at the wrapping a bit before husk growled out. “Don’t fuck with it!”

Al grinned and stood up, pulling his still bloody sleeve over his newly stitched arm. 

“Why thank you husker! I appreciate your help, but now I must be go-“

“You’d better tell the princess.”

There was an audible record scratch as Alastor was abruptly cut off. 

“Ah, pardon?”

“Don’t pardon me you son of a bitch! If your doin’ this shit on purpose, you’d better tell Charlie, or  I will.”

Al scoffed, turning to face the winged cat. 

“I didn’t take you for a stool pigeon, dear husker.”

“I ain’t, an’ yer lucky I even give a shit in the first place, but I ain’t gunna keep fixin’ you up when you hurt yourself.” He glared, closing the first aid kit and pushing past the deer, turning the light off on his way out. Alastor quickly exited the room before the cat could close the door and leave himalone in the dark. 

“Tell ‘er” husk said from behind a bottle lip. Alastor glared and went to his room through his shadows.

he curled up on his bed again, away from the large blood stain. He’d need to clean that up, and the blood on the floor too. He faced the other way this time, not wanting to look at the mess. He closed his eyes and clutched his stomach. A few small shocks made him jolt, his vision getting blurry again.

God he missed Angel. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for typos
> 
> merde! ça fait mal! = fuck! That hurts!


	9. Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW mentions of depression & self harm

“I knew something was up with deer boy! I told ya Angie!”

“Yeah I know, speaking of, I should prolly be headin’ back now. I hate leavin Al alone. He’s been real clingy lately.”

“Hah! The Radio Demon, _clingy_? I can’t believe it.”

“You betta’ believe it toots!”

Angel and Cherri were walking down to Cherri’s apartment, the day coming to an end and he had gotten off work a few hours ago, deciding to hang out with his girl buddy for the rest of the day.

“Well, I’ll see ya around Angie.” Cherri said after unlocking the door, giving Angel a hug before closing it. 

Angel sighed, a smile on his face as he turned around, walking down the steps to her apartment and turning to the side walk. The hotel wasn’t too far away, maybe a block or two, but it was the perfect distance for Angel to clear his mind. He’d been worried about Al for a long time, and he did hate leaving him alone, but he didn’t seem to be that off put when angel said he had to go to work. He was happy they were friends, especially with what’s been going on. Everyone’s being real cautious around Alastor after the incident and it’s making the deer demon a little upset, he could tell.

Angel looked around at the demons walking on the streets, most were deformed, gross, and just plain ugly. He snickered and looked up as heard the chime of the bell tower, signaling 5 o’clock. The neon signs were illuminating the darkening city, car horns blaring in his ears and screams from far off in the distant alleyways. Every few minutes a new demon would fall from the sky, the red pentagram never fading in the slowly dimming sky around it. Angel turned onto the street, crossing the road and just missing a car that zoomed by. He smiled as he opened the hotel doors, walking in and being greeted by a little ball of energy at his feet, nifty. 

“Hey Nif-“

“Hi Angel! Oh my gosh your shoes are filthy! Let me get that for you, don’t want you tracking mud into the hotel! Your little piggy got out into the garden the other day and my goodness it left such a muddy mess I-“

“Nice to see you to Nif, have you seen Al around?” The arachnid asked, stepping out from in front of the door and to the side. The smile on nifty’s face disappeared and was replaced by a smaller, far more forced one. 

She nodded her head no, and that was it. 

Angel frowned. “O-oh okay uh, well, see ya ‘round doll face..” he waved goodbye and nifty bid him a goodnight, her smile genuine again in a matter of seconds. 

“That was weird...” he mumbled to himself. He was going to say hi to husk, but the drunkard cat was unconscious on the bar top counter, so Angel decided not to disturb him and head straight to Alastor room.. until he was stopped by Charlie. 

“Angel your back! Oh thank goodness! Listen, me and Alastor we’re taking but I think I just made him mad and now he won’t come out of his room can you help me?”

Angels eyes were wide, his arms were up and he was at a loss for words. He just got back and everyone was acting weird, he just wanted to relax with his deer. 

“I-uh wait, backup, your talking to fast.”

Charlie fidgeted nervously, offering a small smile before taking a breath andstarting again, talking at a normal pace. 

“I lied to Al about helping with the hotel, and I tried talking to him, but he won’t come out if his room, I don’t know what to do..”

“Don’t you have a master key?” Angel asked, putting his arms down and fixing his suit. 

“I do, but I don’t want to bother Al, what if he... y’know..” Charlie trailed off,, motioning to her neck before rubbing her arm and averting the spiders gaze. 

“I doubt he’d do that charls’. I’ll go talk to him.” Angel said with a frown. He couldn’t believe she still thought Alastor would go crazy rabid beast again! Even after all that had happened, with the shock collar and the panic attacks, Alastor wouldn’t do something like that again! it was just a  _ mistake _ .

He walked past her, passing her office where he saw Vaggie doing paperwork, a cup of coffee in her free hand. He didn’t bother to say hello, his concern on Alastor. 

Once he got to the Radio Demons room he looked back at noticed Charlie hadn’t followed him. ‘ _ Good _ ’ he thought. She’d just make this harder. 

He knocked on the door softly, waiting for a response and wasn’t surprised when he didn’t get one. He pressed his face against the door, listening for anything on the other side. All he heard was soft static, so he at least knew the deer was awake. He knocked again, a bit louder. 

“Hey Al? It’s me, can I come in?”

It was silent for a moment and Angel heard rustling on the other side. He stepped back and smiled as the door opened. 

“Hello Angel! You were gone a long time.”

Alastor was keeping his distance, but Angel could tell he didn’t want to, his smile was small and his hair was a little messy. Angel frowned. He looked behind the shorter demon and saw the room was a bit messy too, not as clean as it was whenever Angel had came in before, maybe because he wasn’t expecting him? 

“Can I come in?” He asked again. 

Alastor looked like he was considering it, hesitating before opening the door a bit further and stepped to the side, letting the arachnid enter. 

The room was a bright as ever, just as he remembered, and he blinked a couple times to adjust his eyes to the onslaught of light. He went to sit down on the bed before he gasped, sputtering, trying to find the words he was looking for before settling for-

“What the shit?! What’s with all this blood Al?” He asked accusatory, pointing to the semi-dry blood stain covering the side of the bed and the floor around it. 

“..oh” Alastor whispered, most likely to himself, but Angel heard it anyways and grew angry.

“ _Oh_?? That all you have to say?”

“Yes.”

Angel was at a loss for words. He had so many questions, but he couldn’t find a way to ask them, his mouth wasn’t working right. He opened and closed it, gaping like a fish out of water trying to form words. This was  _ not _ what he wanted to come home to! 

“Who’s blood is that smiles?” He asked eerily calm. 

Alastor sighed softly. There’s no use in lying, he was going to find out eventually. He should have cleaned up right after husk had stitched his arm, he just felt so... _shitty_.. so _useless_.. so _tired_. 

“It’s mine.”

Angel made a face, stretching his arms out as if asking to elaborate. 

Alastor took a few seconds before staring to unbutton his shirt, ignoring the odd look angel sent him before slipping his arm out and unwrapping the bandages. Husk wouldn’t be happy he messed with them, but that was future Alastor’s problem. First he had to deal with his present situation. 

“I hurt it.” He said, not wishing to go into detail. 

Angel gawked at the large injury. It took up half of Alastor’s forearm, a jagged line of neat stitches keeping the bruised arms wound together. 

The spider gasped softly and stepped forward, grabbing the deers arm and running his fingers across the stitches. Alastor sucked in a breath, not expecting the sudden touch, he tensed for a few seconds before relaxing again as Angel inspected his hurt arm..

“I- ow! What the- what was that for?” Alastor yelled as Angel smacked him on the head, glaring at him. 

“How the fuck did this happen?!” Angel asked, his voice raising. 

“I got attacked by a tiny goblin, how do you think?”

“Don’t be a smart ass!”

“Don’t hit me!”

“I’ll hit you again you little shit!” 

“ **Dont touch me!** ” Alastor yelled pushing Angel away from him. 

Angel growled, pushing the shorter demon down, falling to the ground with him when the deer grabbed him by the arm. 

“Let go of me!”

“Then stop touching me!”

Alastor pushed Angel off with a growl, small sparks falling off the collar as he grew angrier. 

“All I did was ask you a question!”

“You didn’t have to be rude about it!”

Angel pushed Alastor down again, pinning him down with the bottom pair of his arms at his sides while the top pair held his arms up. 

“ ** _Let me go_**!” Alastor yelled, the shocks getting more intense. He wriggled in the spiders hold, his voice laced with static and his eyes flickering from normal to radio dials despite the consistent shocks, grunting as he tightened his grip. Alastor growled, clenching his hands in a first, kicking the arachnid. Sparks were shuttering throughout his body now. furiously, he summoned a small black hole, gritting his teeth as his body shook with electric shocks. A single tentacle made its way out of the small glitchy pit, wrapping its way around one of the spiders arms. 

“Ow!- Just tell me how it happened you radio jerk!” Shocks flew through deers body, small sparks popping from the red beeping collar, making the hole and tentacle disappear as quickly as they came. Alastor pushed Angel off him with his foot, yelping as he scratched his stitches, and screaming when a wave of intense shocks shot through his body, making him jerk and curl on his side. 

The shock went on for a few seconds, but to Alastor it felt like it lasted hours. His body was left a shaking mess as he struggled to keep air in his lungs. 

Angel gasped, rushing to the shorter demons side and pulling him up, wincing at the blood running down his arm. 

“Are you okay? Oh my god Al, I-I’m so sorry, I-“ 

He was cut off when Alastor pushed him away roughly, his hand shaking on his chest. Alastor sat up on his knees and grabbed his throat with his uninjured arm. 

“A-Ah..” his throat was sore as he cleared it, coughing a little, his vision blurry with tears as he painted, trying to regain his breath. He felt lightheaded, like he’d held his breath for five minutes. He looked up at Angel who was panting from the small brawl with glossy eyes as he sat there, a few scratch marks and bruises on his body and a apologetic look on his face. 

“I’m so sorry Al, I didn’t mean to.. make _that_ happen.” 

Alastor laughed hoarsely, coughing a bit more before smiling up at him. 

“No.. it would have happened anyway...” he didn’t want to argue with Angel, it was his fault they started fighting anyway, and Alastor didn’t want to be mad right now. 

Angel frowned, standing up and bending down to help the shaking deer up. Alastor accepted the hand, standing and stumbling a bit before leaning on the spider to regain his balance. He felt... wrong right now, like something was different inside him. Maybe those shocks knocked something loose, he wanted to fix it, it made him feel weird, but he didn’t know how..

“What.. what happened?” Angel asked. Al knew what he was talking about. He wasn’t talking about the fight they just had, or his injured arm, he was talking about the whole day, and Alastor’s whole day was just  awful . He whimpered, leaning his head on the spiders chest, nodding his head side to side once. Angel wrapped his arms around the shorter demon as he felt him shake with sobs. He ran his hands up and down his back as he mumbled soothing nonsense to calm him down. 

“I hate this so much..” he heard the deer mumble in his chest. Alastor was almost fully leaning on Angel now, his ears pressed back and hands held tight on the lapels of the pink spiders suit. “I know.. and I’m  so sorry Al, I’m  _so so sorry_ ...”

The door opened and Angel looked up, frowning when Charlie and Vaggie looked into the room, that was now even messier then it had been before their little fight. 

“What happened in here? We heard shouting.” Charlie mumbled, cutting herself off when she saw the crying deer. 

Vaggie mumbled something Angel couldn’t hear, but he didn’t care, all he cared about was making Al feel better. He’d had a shit day and Angel was gone all afternoon having fun with his friend while poor Alastor suffered all alone. 

Charlie and Vaggie had walked out of the room and closed the door, it giving a soft click that echoed in the well furnished bedroom. 

Angel continued consoling the sobbing demon, running his ringers through his hair and along his ears. ‘ _Gosh they’re so soft_ ’ Angel thought to himself. He needed to pet Al’s ears more often. 

After a few minutes his cries had simmered down to little hiccups and sniffles, and Angel led them to the bed, letting the deer go as he pulled the bloodied sheets off, throwing them to the floor. He climbed into the bed and motioned for Al to follow. He did after some hesitation, debating on lying with the spider internally. 

Alastor lay with his back against the headboard, not wanting to lie down just yet. He pulled his knees to his chest, something he thought he’d been doing far to often as of recently. Angel, who was lying down beside him, sat up as well, leaning on the headboard and scooting a bit closer to the deer. 

“I think.. I am broken.” He mumbled in his arms. 

“What was that smiles?”

“I’m _broken_.” 

Angel tutted, wrapping his arm around the shorter and pulling him into a comfortable side hug. 

“Your not broken Al.” He reassured him softly. 

“I _feel_ broken.”

“What do you mean?”

Alastor was silent for some time, trying to put into words what he was feeling. It was complicated, something that he didn’t understand, or even want to understand. He missed when he felt nothing, when he would go on random killing sprees and broadcast his carnage for the whole world to see. But back then he was feeling the same thing he felt now, and he felt the same thing when he was alive too, it’s just he never really noticed it before, he was far to busy running from the law to think about feelings. He knew this odd broken feeling was there his whole life, but right now it was all he could think of, and he never thought to try putting the feeling into words, it was confusing, because he knew what he felt, he just didn’t know how to say it.

“Like.. like I lost something, but I can’t remember what I lost, like a weird feeling in my chest, and it hurts when I try remembering it.”

Angel felt his heart drop, he pulled the deer closer, listening to him try and explain his feelings. 

“Like there’s something heavy on me and I can’t get it off, no matter how hard I try, I can’t move, or breath...”

Alastor looked over to Angel who looked as upset as he felt. He looked like he just witnessed something horrific. 

“..Am I broken?”

Angel didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t prove what he thought was true, it was just a thought, he wasn’t a psychiatrist, but he knew depression when he heard it. Maybe it was just the collar that was making min feel this way, maybe it was just today alone. Or maybe he was missing something, like an unfinished puzzle, like a building without supports, left unfinished, left to crumbled under the pressure.. Angel knew what it felt like, and he wouldn’t wish such feelings upon anyone. The more he thought about it the more it made sense, and that scared him a little bit. 

“How long have you felt like this Al?”

“I’m not sure.. a long time.. do- do you think I’m broken, Angel?”

“Your not broken, and if you are, I’ll put you back together, I promise.”

Angel pulled the deer down so he was lying on his back, pulling him so his head was resting in his chest fluff. 

He didn’t know how to help Al right now, but he’d be damned if he didn’t at least try.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for typos


	10. Worry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW mentions of self harm

“I don’t know Vaggie, there’s something wrong, I can feel it.”

“Yeah, that’s obvious, but we still can’t trust he won’t attack the hotel!”

Vaggie stood up from the small desk she was sitting at, pushing her chair back and walking to Charlie, who was leaning on the office door frame, her hand on her head and eyes glossy. 

She put her hand on her girlfriends shoulder, giving it a quick squeeze. 

“I know your worried about the hotel-“

“I’m not worried about the hotel anymore Vaggie! It’s  _ Alastor _ , this collar, it’s hurting him way more than intended!”

“That’s the point, isn’t it? With it on he can’t hurt anyone!”

“He’s hurting _himself_!” Charlie cried, shrugging the hand off her shoulder and turning, running hastily out of the room and rushing down the stairs, Vaggie trailing behind her. 

After the pair had walked in on Alastor and Angel they had came to their small shared office and talked, the conversation steering straight into Charlie’s blocked up emotions at full speed. They had heard shuffling and banging, but assumed it was nothing more than playful banter. 

“Fucking kids..” Vaggie mumbled at the immaturity. Then they heard the shouts and screams, the couple exchanged looks before dropping what they were doing and bolting up the stairs, ready to defuse what they now knew to be an  actually fight. 

Now as Charlie ran out the back door of the hotel, passing husk who only arched an eyebrow at her before taking a stiff swig of his drink, she wished they were really just playing around. 

The princess ran into the garden, closing the door and locking it up with a flick of her hand, her demonic magic making it impossible for Vaggie to open. She ignored the yells of her name and ran further into the small garden area, stepping over gardening tools and flower pots. She stopped running when she got to the little stone bench right in front of a patch of flowers, the view perfect for her to see the bell tower and other various buildings and neon signs. The red sky was turning a deep crimson, the glowing Pennington bright as ever. It reminded her of Alastor. She felt the tears she’d been holding back fall down her cheeks and she looked on, panting from the run. She couldn’t hear Vaggie shouting for her anymore. She wrapped her arms around herself and sighed. She hated what she was doing to him. She knew it was wrong but she did nothing but stand and watch her father hurt her friend. Now Alastor was helpless to the whims of stronger demons, and he couldn’t leave the hotel without getting attacked, or ambushed, he couldn’t leave when he wanted like Charlie had promised, and she can’t believe she broke it. She was suspicious of Alastor’s reasoning from the beginning, but after a while she grew fond of the red stag. She never wanted to see the smiling deer so upset because of something she did, and the fact that Vaggie wasn’t as apologetic as she was really broke the damn for her. 

She knew Vaggie wasn’t very fond of Alastor, but it wasn’t fair to assume he was nothing but trouble without getting to know him first! She had  never seen the two get along, Vaggie never even tried Al’s cooking, and the stag basically begged her to, yet she never did.She was always yelling at him, and yes, sometimes Alastor purposely pissed her off, and other times it was partially deserved, but that’s because he just wanted to be friends, right? Al liked joking around, it was just his personality. 

Charlie sniffled and wiped her eyes with her sleeve, jumping when she heard rustling behind her. 

“Charlie.. I’m sorry I said that, I’m just as worried as you are.”

“You don’t have to lie..” the princess mumbled. Vaggie didn’t reply to that. 

She turned to fully face her girlfriend, sniffling a bit more before scooting over and patting the space beside her. Vaggie sat, folding her hands in her lap. 

“Why don’t you like him?” She asked after a minute of silence. 

Vaggie didn’t reply right away, rubbing her arm before dropping them to her sides. 

“..I’m not sure, I guess I just- it’s just his reputation, you know? How can I trust that?”

“You would learn to trust him if you got to know him.” She said, frowning. 

Vaggie averted her gaze, looking straight in front of her at the small patch of colorful flowers.

“I know you don’t trust him, especially now, but would it really be so bad to get to know him?”

Vaggie sneered at the thought. She really didn’t want to, but her being a jerk was making her girlfriend upset, and she couldn’t let that stand. She sighed, shaking her head. 

“Okay, I’ll be nicer if it’ll make you happy.”

Charlie grinned turning and hugging her girlfriend happily. 

“It would make me happy, thank you for doing this Vaggie.” 

Vaggie grinned, happy to make her significant other smile. 

“Of course. Now let’s go back inside, it’s hot out here.”

Angel woke up groggily, blinking to adjust to the extremely bright room he was in. There was a light weight on his chest and he looked down, smiling at the sight of Alastor sleeping on his fluffy chest, soft radio static filtering into the quiet room. 

Angel yawned, stretching all four of his arms. Alastor stirred a bit, making Angel freeze. He looked so exhausted, he didn’t want to wake him up. Angels eyes trailed down to Alastor’s injured arm, wincing when he saw a large blotch of blood on his shirt sleeve. Angel felt a pang of guilt in his chest, knowing he was the cause of the deers ‘injury to his injury’.

He grabbed Al’s arm softly, trying to avoid waking him, and gently pulled the sleeve of his shirt up to show his bloody damaged arm. 

These stitches need to be cleaned.

Angel slowly inched out from under the deer, holding his breath when Alastor shifted. After a moment he slid out from under the deer in one swift motion, walking to the bathroom and grabbing the first aid kid from the bottom of the sink. As he stood up he notices some blood stains on the porcelain sink and the faucet. He frowned. “I guess cleaning his messes isn’t something he’s very fond of.” He mumbled, grabbing a small towel from the countertop and soaking it in water, closing the bathroom door and walking back into the room. Alastor had moved a bit, and his leg was hanging off the bed, his uninjured arm covering his face and the blanket only covering his middle. His ears would twitch every so often and Angel couldn’t help but think it was adorable. He would never say that out loud though, Alastor would chop his face off. 

He walked over to the sleeping demon, leaning down on his knees and grabbing his stitched arm. He softly wiped off the dried blood with the damp towel he had grabbed and dropped it on the dresser by the bed when he was finished. He opened up the first aid kit and grabbed some gauze, wrapping the red stitches like it had been previously. Once he was finished he leant back to admired his work. 

He chuckled. Looked like the Radio Demon was a heavy sleeper. Who would’ve guessed?

Angel sighed and stood up, closing the first aid kit and setting it on the dresser. 

Maybe he should go out and grab him and Al some food? What time was it anyway?

He looked out the window, seeing the bright red sky. That meant it was early in the morning, so everyone was probably downstairs in the kitchen by now. He didn’t want to wake him up, but he assumed the deer wouldn’t be up anytime soon so anyways, with slight hesitation he walked out of the room and softly closed the door, pausing when he heard the click, just to make sure Al didn’t wake up. Nothing but scratchy radio static. He smiled, fixing his suit a bit before heading downstairs. 

“Smells great Nif, what’re we havin’?” 

Nifty looked up from the stove and gave Angel a shark toothed grin. 

“Pancakes! Hope your hungry, I made a lot!”

The little demon stood on a tall stood, flipping a pancake a couple of times before sliding it off the pan and onto a stack of pancakes the same height as her. 

“Yum.” Angel said with a smile. 

“Hey Angel! Where’s Al?”

Angel turned around at the sound of Charlie’s voice. He still remembered last night, and he assumed part of why Alastor was so angry yesterday was because of her. It looked like Charlie knew that though, as she smiled nervously, but genuinely. 

“He’s still asleep.” He offered, not giving anymore to keep the conversation going. He turned around and grabbed a plate of pancakes nifty offered him, mumbling a quick thank you. 

“I’m sorry Angel, I really have no control over what my dad does or else I would have never let him put that collar on him.”

Angel sighed, turning around to face the princess again. 

“Look, I ain’t gunna say it’s okay, because it’s  _ not _ , but I know your tellin’ the truth, so I won’t say anymore then that. The least you could do is talk to him, reason with him or  something because Alastor is suffering for something he couldn’t have had control over.”

Angel finished and sat down in his chair, a small scowl on his face. 

“I know, I’ll talk to dad, and I know it wasn’t Al’s fault, we’re trying our best to adjust to the situation. I know pretending like nothings changed won’t help, and neither will keeping him separated from us, I’m trying really hard to deal with this Angel, it’s just.. I don’t know what to do...”

Angel looked up at the distressed woman and sighed, putting his fork down and staring at his large stack of pancakes. 

“I dont know what to do either..” he admitted, his appetite suddenly gone. 

Charlie walked over to the arachnid and put a supportive hand on his shoulder. 

“I’ll talk to him, that’s a promise I won’t break.” 

Angel smiled, standing up and giving the princess a quick hug, one that Charlie didn’t have time to reciprocate, but it was appreciated. 

“I don’t really feel like eatin’ anymore. I should check on Al anyways.” 

Charlie nodded, letting the spider walk out of the room quietly. 

As Angel exited the kitchen he turned his attention to the cat at the bar, who, despite the early hour, already looked quite drunk. 

“Hey husky, how ya doin’? He asked, walking over the winged feline, leaning on the bar. 

“Fuck off.” Husk mumbled behind a bottle lip, setting the drink down after taking a long chug

“Just as polite as I remember my furry friend!”

Angel turned around at the familiar voice laced with radio static. 

“Look at who woke himself up like a big boy.” Angel smirked, resting his chin in his hands as the deer came closer. 

Alastor sneered, well, as close to a sneer as he could get while smiling. 

Alastor looked a lot better than he did yesterday. He wore his usual attire, and his hair didn’t look so frizzy and messy. There was no blood anywhere on his body from what Angel could see, so he assumed he took a shower. 

“Is it healed?” Husk said suddenly, gaining both the demon’s attention. 

“Hm?” Al asked, a smile on his face, though he looked genuinely confused. 

Husk gave him a deadpan look, pointing a claw at his left arm with a frown. 

“Oh, yes!”

“Did it?”

“It did not.”

Husks frown deepened as he took another drink of his booze before talking again. 

“At all?”

Alastor shook his head, leaning over the bar countertop and grabbing a bottle of

Courvoisier. Husk didn’t stop him, but Angel made a face. 

“It did, somewhat, but not nearly as fast as most of my self inflicted wounds usually take.”

“Okay, two things, one,  _ usually _ ? And two-“ Angel grabbed the bottle of Cognac from the deers hands and set it out of reach. 

“-it’s eight o’clock And you haven’t even eaten anything yet!”

Alastor’s grinned “That’s three things.”

“Don’t be a smartass.”

Alastor only shrugged in response, turning to face the cat again. 

“Everything hurts. I think you’ll need to do that magic stuff to fix it again husker.”

“It’s called first aid.” He grumbled, smacking Alastor’s hand away when he reached to touch his wings. 

“Yes, That, thank you.” 

“You know first aid?” Ange asked, facing that drunk feline. 

“Had to for the war-“

“Hah!” Alastor interrupted, smacking the cat on the head with his uninjured arm, making him jump and growl. 

“Please dont start talking about the war, husker! It’s awfully depressing!” 

“You would know you radio freak!-“

“All of you need to shut the hell up! It’s eight thirty, I could hear you from the third fucking floor!” Vaggie yelled at the three. 

Alastor flinched at the loud interruption, his ears back and husk glared. Angel snickered. 

“Good morning to you, toots.”

Charlie walked out of the kitchen and pulled Vaggie away from the three. 

“Vaggie! What’d we talk about? You promised you’d be nicer!” Charlie whisper-shouted frantically. 

“Yeah, to  Alastor .”

Charlie motioned to the very annoyed look on Alastor’s face, his ears still back, and small sparks coming from his collar. 

Vaggie winced, mumbling an apology. 

“It’s okay, let’s just get the day started huh?” 

Charlie smiled softly. 

“I can tell it’s going to be a long one..”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for typos


	11. Liar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW mentions of self harm, depression, self hatred and electrocution

“Stay fuckin’ still will ya?” Husk growled, pinching Alastor’s arm. 

“Ow- Just hurry, please.” He mumbled, turning away and wincing. 

“Then shut the hell up.”

Angel was sitting beside Alastor, watching how husk tended to the wound. He hummed, turning when he heard footsteps approaching. 

“Hey, uh I saw... _that_ , yesterday, how did it happen?” Charlie said, pointing to the deers arm. 

Angel couldn’t answer. All he knew was that I was self inflicted, and it happened when Angel was at work. He assumed husk knew, as he was the one to stitch it up. He stayed silent, looking at Alastor, who had yet to say anything. 

“Well?” Husk said, pushing the bandaged arm away. 

“I hurt it.” Alastor said, not elaborating. 

“How?” Charlie asked softly. 

Al’s collar beeped, turning green to yellow. It only shocked him when it was on red, yellow was a warning. He shifted. 

“..I think you know how it happened, darling.” Alastor mumbled, not meeting Charlie’s eyes. 

“Oh, Al-“

“It was partly an accident” Al added, hoping to wipe the disappointment off her face with the comment. 

“Doesn’t make it better, smiles” Angel said frowning. 

All Alastor did was shrug and pull his sleeve down, slipping his suit jacket back on without another word. 

“Maybe we should have another talk-“

“ ** _No_**!” Alastor interrupted quickly. 

“I am _not_ doing that again, absolutely not.”

“Al, it’s _necessary_! We won’t talk about redemption, we can just talk about this, why your feeling the way you are!.”

Alastor stood, his collar beeping red, shooting shocks down his body, he winced, gritting his teeth together. 

“I don’t  need to talk about my  _feelings_ ,  princess .  I’m perfectly fine, there’s nothing wrong with me!”

“Smiles-“

“ **_ Shut your mouth _ ** !” Alastor’s voice was heavily laced with static, his collar beeping loudly and sending shock after shock down his spine, but despite the pain he used his shadows to go up the stairs to his room.

“Hey-“ 

Angel was stopped by husks clawed paw grabbing his arm. 

“What are you doing? I need to go!”

“No you don’t. I’ve known Al a hell of a lot longer then you have and right now he doesn’t want to see anybody. Give ‘em a few hours.”

Angel didn’t want to do that, but he knew husk was probably right, he had known Al longer, so he reluctantly sat back down, slumping in his seat. 

“I’m sorry Angel”

“You don’ need ta’ keep apologizin’, toots.”

“Maybe I should go talk to him, I’m worried he about might do something to himself again-“

Husk grunted and Angel sat up a bit more. He hadn’t thought of that. When he looked back at husk though he didn’t seem too worried about Al slicing another arm open, so his concern diluted a bit. 

“No needa go all mother hen on him Charlie, I’m sure he’ll be okay for a lil bit.”

Despite his nonchalant words he couldn’t help but worry a tiny bit himself. It was Only nine o’clock and Al was isolating himself again. Angel sighed, looked over to Charlie who looked just as drained as he felt. 

He wanted to help Al, he really did, but how could he when he refused it so much? He was so hot and cold, one minute he’ll be all clingy and vulnerable then the next minute he was spewing death threats and running to his room like a troubled teenager. Angel could only assume Alastor was so set on not needing help because he probably never got it before. Al had said he had felt like this for a long time, so Angel wondered how long he’d been suffering silently all on his own. 

He really was kind of immature, pulling pranks and making stupid jokes, Angel would have never guessed he was so hurt. Well, apart from the whole cannibal murderer thing, if he hadn’t known any better, Angel would have said he was just a normal person. Like a little kid sometimes, he had that sort of innocence with him when it came to adult things like sex and drugs. He knew Al knew what those things were, he was an adult after all, but he never partook in any of those sorts of things. Aside from the murder, Alastor was innocent. He wondered what kind of person Al would be if he hadn’t started killing people and eating them. Would he still be so... _hurt_?

Angel turned and noticed Charlie was sitting at the bar as well, seemingly thinking the same thing. Angel sighed and leant his head back, staring at the lights directing in front of his eyes. He looked back down and stood up, deciding to head to his room for a little while until Al calmed down. He had left nifty in charge of taking care of fat nuggets and he desperately needed to see his little piggy. He would check on Al in a few minutes. 

Alastor had completely _destroyed_ his room. 

Even though it was distracting, being shocked every millisecond, it only managed to anger him further, making trash his expensive furniture, knocking down pictures and shredding paperwork that had been sitting in his desk for weeks now. He’d Destroyed everything, not stopping until he couldn’t stand the shocks anymore. 

He collapsed on the floor, growling, his collar still beeping red, before turning yellow, then slowly to green again. 

Alastor’s chest heaved, he panted and gasped, his vision darkening at the edges. 

‘ _No_ ’ he thought quickly. 

He didn’t want it to get dark. 

He sat up immediately, looking around the room frantically, noticing he broke the lamps he and Angel set up a few weeks ago. He sighed angrily, his collar beeping once and turning yellow. He stood up wobbling a bit, reaching out for the dresser out of reflex only to fall again. realizing he had knocked the dresser over on its side, he stood up, leaning on his bed, surprisingly the one thing he  couldn’t move.

He walked shakily to the bathroom and looked at himself in the mirror. 

His hair was frizzy from the shocks and he had deep scratch marks on his cheeks, red with blood, tear streaks making themselves known on his face. When had he started crying? 

He had blood on his claws, but he didn’t see were it had come from. Probably his cheeks. 

He sighed and sat down by the bathtub. At least his bathroom wasn’t trashed. He really hated messes, but didn’t like cleaning them up very much. That was were nifty would offer, too bad the little ball of joy hated him now. 

Vaggie would usually come up and yell at him for being too loud, but he was surprised when she didn’t come up to complain. Looks like she was done bothering with him too. 

He was somewhat glad no one came up though, because he didn’t want anyone to tell him what he already knew. He hated when people told him what to do when he was already doing it, it just made him _not_ want to do it anymore, and he didn’t want to do  _ this _ anymore. 

He sighed and pulled his legs to his chest, setting his elbows on his knees and running his hands through his hair irritatedly, his ears back. 

He felt his eyes burn as he bit back sobs. 

Why did everyone hate him?

He didn’t know why he kept asking himself that. He knew why, and he definitely didn’t want to hear anyone  tell him why.

He just wanted to stop feeling so awful.  He was awful, everything about him was awful, no wonder people were scared, or didn’t trust him, or hated him. The people that stayed, like Angel and Rosie and mimzy and even husker, they only stayed out of  pity , right? No one would  _ actually _ stay with him because they  _ wanted _ to, they were nothing but _liars_! They didn’t care about him _or_ his  feelings , he was helping a  _ redemption _ hotel, of course the people in it would be sympathetic! 

His whimpered at his harsh thoughts, gripping his hair tighter. 

How stupid was he to get attached? Why would anyone love him, or care about him? He was a murderer! He killed people! He didn’t deserved to be _redeemed_ , or _helped_ , or _loved_! He was terrible! He deserved death, something _worse_ than death, but he supposed he was already there, watching the people he’d grown attached to be happy and push him away, shove false hope in his face then leave him alone to rot in his own self-loathing. He was useless now, he was useless _before_ he had this bloody collar on, the only thing the collar did was prove to him how useless and hated he is. 

He couldn’t believe Charlie was still pretending to care. At least Vaggie was honest about her hatred of him! And yeah, it hurt, and he would never admit that out loud, but he hated when she would yell at him, or threaten him for no reason, or was just plain mean, and he tried to push it off, act like it never happened, but Vaggie was only being honest, and Alastor couldn’t see how everyone else could lie and say they accepted him, when they clearly did not.

Alastor sobbed, slapping a hand on his mouth and bitting it to stop the cries crawling out of his sore throat. His cheeks hurt, his tears making the fresh scratch marks burn and his chest ached from the harsh breaths and shocks. 

He felt dramatic. Maybe he  was being dramatic, but he felt what he was thinking was true, and he couldn’t bring himself to think of other things right now. He felt hysterical, like he couldn’t hold in the emotions he’d gotten so good at locking away. 

This collar was knocking down all the walls Alastor had put up and was crushing him with the debris. 

He just wanted to be happy, so why was that so hard to admit right now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for typos 
> 
> Also, I figured this story would go a lot smoother with a schedule or something, so I’ll be posting once a day, since these chapters aren’t very long


	12. Talk (I love you)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW for electrocution, mentions of self harm and depression
> 
> There’s fluff here too, though, don’t worry ;)

It was a few minutes after Angel had left the lobby and the banging and screaming upstairs had yet to stop. Angel tried to block the sound out with his headphones, and Charlie and Vaggie could only hold their hands to their ears, wincing at the volume. Husk sat grumpily at the bar, drinking far to much for how early it was, and nifty distracted herself with mindless cleaning. 

Charlie could only assume Alastor was to upset to realize how loud he was being, and husk advised everyone to just ignore it until he had finished, and then go in once he’d tired himself out. 

Even at the base floor in the lobby the tenants could hear the Radio Demons angry screams. Unfortunately for Angel, he was on the same floor as Alastor, and he could hear everything. He could hear the screaming, the crashing and banging, the splitting of wood and high pitched radio feedback. He could also hear the shocks, the beeping and the pain filled growls. He desperately wanted to run into the deers room and calm him down, but he didn’t want to risk making things worse. He curled up on his bed as he listened to the deers screams, hugging his pig to his chest and highering his music. 

After a while the screaming and crashing had stopped, but no one dared going up to check. Husk was passed out on the bar top and nifty was cleaning the kitchen. Charlie and Vaggie were in their shared office and Angel was still in his room. 

He sat up as soon as the rage had seemed to stop, setting his pig on the floor and taking off his headphones. He opened his door and walked into the hall. Alastor’s door was at the end of the long hall, so he advanced slowly and cautiously. As he got to the door he heard nothing. That scared him because he had expected to hear at least  something , but he heard nothing but eerie silence. He knocked, waiting to hear a response, deciding to just open the door when he got none. 

“Oh, holy _shit_..” Angel mumbled, looking around the trashed room. The curtains were broken and ripped, thrown haphazardly across the floor, and the drawers to his dresser were broken and strewn against the wall. His desk was knocked over on its front and his chair was on its side all the way across the room. The lamps they had put up were smashed, glass scattered across the floor, leaving only the rooms actual light keeping it brightened. Angel stepped over broken drawers and shredded paper, walking around the room trying to find the red stag. He looked at the bathroom door and saw it opened just a crack, the light on and radio feedback piercing through the near silence. He also heard sobbing, and he frowned, turning towards the door and pushing it open, warning him before entering. 

“Hey Al? You good?” 

Alastor sat with his arms propped up on his knees, one hand on his mouth and the other gripping his hair so tight it looked like it hurt. He couldn’t see his face, but he could hear him crying. 

“Hey, come on smiles, it’ll be okay..”

Alastor shook his head. At least he knew he was in there. Angel got on his knees and sat cramped on the floor right under the sink. He didn’t know how Alastor fit, but Angel knew _he_ would _definitely_ have a sore back after this. 

He pulled Alastor’s hands away, putting them down. The stag didn’t protest, just dropped his head to his knees that were pulled up to his chest. 

Angel smiled. At least he wasn’t crying anymore, that was a start. He laughed a bit,Trying to brighten the mood, nudging the deer. 

“Aw come on smiles, lemme see your pretty face.”

Alastor didn’t move and Angel thought he had fallen asleep. It wouldn’t be to farfetched, the poor deer must’ve been exhausted. After a second Alastor shook his head, No. 

Well damn. 

“Please? I just wanna make sure your okay.”

After a minute Alastor lifted his head, putting his arms on his knees, staring straight ahead. His smile was small, and it looked forced and wobbly.

“Did ya scratch yourself?” Angel asked softly, running his fingers over the red scratch marks on his cheeks. He knew the answer. Obviously, who else would have done it? 

Alastor only nodded bluntly, no emotion showing despite his small smile. 

“That’s okay. We’ll fix that up.”

Angel turned, craning his head down to try and get into a more comfortable position. 

“Speaking of fixin’ things up. You did a lotta damaged out there, no use tryna fix it all, even though it all looked pretty expensive. We’ll clean this one up and you can stay in a different room.”

Alastor dropped his head on his knees again, groaning softly, his collar beeping once. From where Angel was sitting on the floor he could see the yellow light of the collar. 

“Or you can stay in my room, I know you might not be comfortable with that, but it’s an option. Especially if you want to go to sleep right now.”

Alastor didn’t respond, and Angel understood that. He must feel like shit right now, after getting shocked as many times as he heard he’d be pretty beat too. 

“We should clean those scratches though, before they get infected or whateva’. We can do that now if ya want.” 

Alastor nodded and Angel stood, reaching out to help Al up, but he didn’t accept the hand, his head still on his knees. He pulled the deer by the arm and he stood, rubbing his cheeks. “It’s the blood that’s makin’ em itch.” Angel said. “Let’s wash that off, huh?”

Alastor has yet to respond verbally, and that made him worry. Alastor’s done this before, gotten mad and Angel having to talk him down, but it’s never happened like this. Angel pulled Alastor towards the sink, turning it on and grabbing a towel. 

“Lemme see.”

Alastor stood in front of the sink, facing the mirror on top of it and Angel stood behind him, soaking the towel in the running water and bringing it up to the deers face. Alastor’s smile was gone now, his face seemed devoid of emotion, just completely blank. Angel carefully wiped the blood off his cheeks, making sure not to hurt the shorter demon.

After Angel was done he stepped out of the bathroom and grabbed the smashed first aid kit from the pile of broken furniture and brought it back in. He looked up, noticing Alastor was staring straight at his collar. It was green, so Angel wondered what he was thinking about. 

He grabbed some large bandaids and rubbed some medical cream on his scratches before applying the bandages to both his cheeks.

“Okay. All done.” Angel said, throwing the bandaid wrappers in to the trash can. He couldn’t help but smile a little at how Alastor looked with the bandaids on his cheeks. he looked like a little kid, but Angel’s smile fell just as quickly as it had come.

Alastor hadn’t moved. He just kept staring at his collar. Angel stepped back, poking the shorter demon on the shoulder. Nothing. 

“Al-“

It was so fast, Angel would have missed it if he’d blinked. 

Alastor’s collar beeped so fast, going from bright green to red almost instantaneously as the deer growled and punched the mirror, sending shards of glass flying and a large wave of shocks shooting through his body. 

“ _buon Dio_!” Angel cried, grabbing the deer under the arms and pulling him into his lap as he collapsed on the floor. 

“What the hell was that?” Angel asked frantically, shaking the demon when he didn’t get a response. 

“Oh my- are you _dead_?” He mumbled to himself frantically, grabbing Alastor’s arm and checking his pulse. 

“Okay, uh, okay your alive, that’s good, what- what happened? What the fuck just happened?” Angel looked down at the unconscious deer demon in his lap. 

“Did you pass out? Aw hell why am I asking you, your not even _awake_! How would you know?” Angel sighed, rubbing his forehead. 

He should get him out of here. 

He shifted the shorter demon so he was lying sideways on him, sliding his arms under his legs and behind his back and carrying him bridal style out of the bathroom, and into his trashed bedroom. 

“God you weigh like, _nothing_.” Angel mumbled to the sleeping deer, taking him out of the mess and into the hall, reaching out to close the door. Good thing he had so many pairs of arms, it made this way more easy. 

He carried the deer to his room, setting him on his fluffy pink bed and covering him with the blankets. Fat nuggets came waddling over to the spider from his bed, giving a small oink at the return of its owner. 

“Not now, nuggets, daddy’s a lil’ busy.”

Angel leaned up, sighing. He didn’t know what happened in there, it was so quick, he could hardly process it. 

‘ _Al punched the mirror_ ’ he thought. 

“Oh shit.” Angel pulled the blankets back and grabbed Alastor’s right hand, wincing at the amount of blood rolling down his arm and all over his bed, small glass pieces still stuck in the new wound. 

“Just can’t stop fuckin’ yourself up, huh Al?” He mumbled, rushing to his door, exiting before running back and flipping on the light just in case Al woke up. He didn’t want him freaking out. 

Angel quickly ran into the stags room, grabbing the crushed first aid kit from the bathroom where he left it and a small hand towel, running back into the room, happy to see the deer in his bed was still asleep. 

“How many times have we used these first aid kits on you, babe?” He asked with a sad smile. 

He pulled a pair of tweezers from his dresser and sat beside Alastor, grabbing his hand and setting the towel down on his lap, resting his hand on the towel and grabbing the tweezers. He carefully pulled each tiny shard out of the demons fist, grabbing an alcohol pad and wiping the blood off before wrapping the injury in gauze. 

“Okay. Now I gotta wash my sheets when you wake up, cause you got blood on ‘em. Really makin’ me work today huh bud?”

Surprisingly, Angel got no response. He felt odd talking to the Radio Demons sleeping form, but he didn’t know what else to do. He felt lost and confused, but he was sure Alastor felt the same way. He wished he would talk to him, because Angel hated seeing the usually happy demon so depressed. 

He grabbed a pillow from behind him and set on the blood stain on his bed, lifting the deers newly wrapped hand and setting it on the pillow. 

“Poor thing. Do you need kissies?” Angel asked playfully, grabbing his hand again and kissing his knuckles. Yeah. This was weird. 

Angel pulled the blankets back and lied next to the deer, resting his head on his arms. 

“Your confusing, you know. I wish you’d just tell me what was wrong so I could fix it, but your more complicated than that, huh? I get that, your an overlord and you have a ‘ _reputation_ ’ an all, but would you rather just keep hurting yourself over and over again because you think you can handle it? I hate to break it to you, but doing that will only make you hurt ten times worse, trust me, I would know. I get why you don’t like talking about certain things, I get why you’re scared, but you don’t have to be. We won’t judge you, and if you think we all hate you because of what happened, I want you to know we don’t. We really hate seeing you hurt yourself Al, we do. We want to help you, but you just keep pushing us away...

You know what helped me a lot when I got depressed? Talking to my friends, to Cherri. I know talking about all these feelings and mushy crap isn’t really your thing, but it feels way better talking about it than keeping it all in and letting it crush you. When you keep painful feelings in too long they hurt you, and they multiply, then they hurt you so much more later, when you least expect it, it all comes rushing out, like when you got mad at Charlie today. You got angry because you didn’t know what to do with that kind of emotion. I know you feel your alone, especially right now, but you have me. And I’ll always be here, no matter what, so you can talk to me, I won’t judge, because I know what your going through. I’ve felt trapped and alone for a long time, I understand why your so angry. Your confused and mad, your hurt and you don’t know what to do with that. But if you talk, I know you’ll feel so much better, Al. We don’t hate you like you think we do, I promise. We- I... _I love you_.. so just... talk to me. Please.”

Angel finished, running his fingers along Al’s ears, smiling when they instinctively twitched. He sighed, turning around and closing his eyes. God he was exhausted. He knew Al didn’t hear anything he had said, but he felt better just saying it, especially that last part. He hadn’t wanted to really admit it, because he was pretty sure Alastor didn’t feel the same way, but as they had gotten closer Angel felt himself falling for the deer demon. He felt better saying it out loud, as he’d never really said it out loud before, not even to himself. He wanted to protect himself from rejection, but he knew avoiding the truth was impossible. He loved Alastor, he loved him so much, and he didn’t care if the deer didn’t feel the same, he loved him, and they were friends, they got along well, and he felt Alastor trusted him, and that was good enough for him. He felt himself loose to the pull of sleep, sighing once more as he fell into unconsciousness. 

Beside him Alastor opened his eyes. He felt fuzzy and warm, a contrast to the constant pain he felt from the shocks and injuries. He had heard what Angel had told him, he woke up shortly after angel had wrapped his hand up, the sting of the alcohol rousing him. He didn’t open his eyes though, feigning sleep, listening to the spider lecture him. The last part made him feel odd, though. It wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t great either. He felt shaky, and his chest felt tight, his face hot. Was he sick? Maybe.. 

Angel told him he loved him.. was it platonic? He said they were friends, that made him feel a bit odd too, a little sad. Why was that? Did he love Angel? He didn’t know.. he felt good around Angel though. Whenever he saw him his mood lifted and his smile became more genuine. He got the same fuzzy feeling whenever angel would get near him, and that confused him, so he kept around the arachnid. He had learned nothing about the warm fuzzy feeling other then when Angel said he loved him it became far more prominent then before. 

Did that mean he loved Angel too? Did Angel get the same fuzzy feeling around him? He couldn’t help but wonder. What would happen if He told Angel he loved him too? Ah, all these emotions were stacking on top of each other, making his mind run frantically, trying to make sense of things he’d never felt before. Whatever he was feeling, he very much preferred it over what he was feeling before. He wanted to keep feeling warm and fuzzy, not cold and sad. Angel didn’t make him feel like that, so he turned to his side and inched closer, resting his face on the spiders back, pulling on the blanket a bit before settling. 

Yes, this felt good. He would chase this feeling. Whenever he felt bad he would just come to Angel to feel this happy feeling again. After Alastor closed his eyes Angel turned around and wrapped his arms around him, making him jump, his face in the pink spiders chest fluff. He tensed a bit before settling, scooting closer. 

Alastor smiled contently. Yeah, he liked this feeling. This was good, he hadn’t felt this way in a long time.. maybe he _did_ love Angel. If he did, and he got to do this every day, he wouldn’t complain. 

He would cherish this feeling. Openly. 

Yeah. He _did_ love Angel. 

He loved Angel a lot. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for typos
> 
> buon Dio! = good god!


	13. Spark (technical difficulties)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one came out a bit later then I wanted, but it’s a long one, so enjoy.
> 
> No TW
> 
> Also, it might be a while before I update again, maybe a few days, because the last two chapters will be a bit longer than expected, so sorry bout that

“Both of you need to wake up! now!”

Vaggie yelled, throwing pillows on the two sleeping demons aggressively. 

“Hey!- what’s your deal Vaggs?” Angel yelped, grabbing the pillows Vaggie had thrown and tossing them to the floor. 

“Have you see your room? What the hell!” She said, turning to Alastor, who looked awfully confused. 

“Pardon?” He asked softly, picking at the bandaids on his face. 

“Don’t act like you don’t remember! Go clean it!” 

“Hold up, toots, Al can’t do that right now, you know that.” Ange defended, standing up from the bed and fixing his hair from the pillow assault with his top pair of arms, pointing to the deers collar with the other. 

Vaggie paused before looking at the grinning deer, sighing irritatedly. 

“Right.. Sorry, I forgot.” she mumbled, pinching the bridge of her nose. 

“Where’s Charlie?” Al asked, ripping off the bandaids with a wince and standing up. 

“She’s gone, talking to her parents.” 

Alastor froze a bit, turning and looking at the shorter woman with a confused look. 

“What for? How long will she be gone?”

“Miss ‘er already smiles?” Angel joked, grabbing the bandages from his hand and throwing them away. 

“Shes trying to convince Lucifer to take your collar off, so don’t fuck around just because Charlie’s not here, that goes for the both of you. I won’t let shit slide like she does.” She punctuated her words with a poke to the chest and a glare. 

“Nifty’s got breakfast down stairs, and change your clothes, you’re covered in blood.” She told Al, pointing to his arm. 

She left the two alone, closing the door far more forcefully than necessary and Angel lied back down on the bed with a tired sigh. 

“Well, you got clothes in your room right Al? You didn’t rip those up to, didja?”

“Yes, I’ll go change right now.”

“Hey wait.” Angel said, sitting up andgrabbing the deers arm as he was walking to the door. 

“About yesterday-“ he cut himself off when he saw Al’s ears drooped a bit. 

“That not what I meant, uh, never mind.. just get dressed and come back in here, okay? I’ll wait for you.”

Alastor didn’t respond verbally, just giving him a quick nod, turning and walking out the door. 

Angel stood there for a minute before deciding he should get changed too, walking to his closet and grabbing a pair of clothes, just his usual attire, nothing fancy. He didn’t have work for another week or so, what with a few main actors being out, and Val writing new scenes. 

After changing he figured it’d be a good idea to get anything that might make Al uncomfortable out of sight. He wanted to make sure the deer was okay to be in here. He grabbed all the sex toys and other products he might find unsavory and threw them in his closet, closing the door and making the bed, pulling off the bloody sheets and pillows and tossing them in his laundry basket. 

He stretched after he finished, each arm giving a satisfying crack. 

He wondered what was taking Al so long. Was he having trouble? His arms were pretty beat up, what with the stitches and the cut up fist and all. 

Angel walked out of the room and down the hall, seeing Alastor’s bedroom door open, he knocked before walking in. 

“..Hey bud, whatcha doin’?”

Alastor looked up, not noticing Angel till now. 

“Vaggie said to clean the room, and since I can’t use my magic I just decided to do it by hand.” He shrugged, dropping the broken dresser piece to the floor. 

“Vaggs said you didn’t need to do that, remember? Let go down stairs-“

“ _ **No**_!” Angel reaches out for Alastor’s arm, flinching away when the deer yelled. 

He seemed to notice though, because he stepped back and took a deep breath, his collar beeping from yellow to green. 

“I.. I mean, _no_. I want to clean this...”

He said quietly, motioning to the mess. 

“You don’t hafta’ do that though, nifty’ll probably do it herself anyways. She’s better at this stuff.”

Alastor seemed irritated that Angel wasn’t getting what he was saying. He lifted his hands up, trying to explain, but gave up, sighing and dropping them to his sides.

“Speaking of Nifty, she made breakfast, let’s go eat.”

Al shook his head, taking another step back when Angel reaches out for him. 

“I’m not hungry.”

Angel scoffed. “That’s a lie. Your _always_ hungry. Let’s head downstairs, Al.”

“No! I _can’t_ ” Alastor insisted, his collar turning yellow, giving a warning beep. He felt his heart hammering in his chest. Why was he so nervous? 

“What’s wrong?” Angel asked. 

“Nothings wrong, I just- _ugh_ ”

Why couldn’t he explain it? He knew what he was feeling, why couldn’t he find the words? Why was this so hard?”

“I don’t want to.” He said irritatedly, his eyebrows scrunching up. 

“Tell me why, then!” Angel insisted, raising his voice. 

_“I don’t know_! I don’t want to go down there!” Al screamed, shocks raking his body, making him grit his teeth. He raised his hand to his chest, the thumping gone. He thought he heard himself apologize, but he wasn’t sure, his mind a bit foggy, so he repeated it. “Sorry.”

“Your scared” 

It wasn’t a question, more a statement. Alastor hated how he could just tell what he was feeling by looking at him, but he was right. He didn’t like that. 

“It’s okay, we’ll go down together, you won’t be alone, no ones mad, remember?”

“Nifty...”

Angel was quiet for a second, processing the words. Nifty had seemed awfully upset when he asked if she’d seen Al, and angel didn’t really spend much time thinking as to why that was the case. Now that he thought about it, nifty was the only one who still seemed cross with the deer. 

“Well how about we go down there, and you can apologize?” Angel offered. 

“You can do it alone, or I can stay with you, whatever helps.”

Alastor looked up from the pile of broken wood he’d been staring at and sighed, nodding his head and mumbling a soft ‘alright.’

“Great, let’s go.” Angel said with a smile, grabbing Al’s hand and walking out of the room, closing the door. 

Alastor didn’t pull away from the unauthorized touch, it made him feel a bit better. He knew nifty would still be upset with him, anytime he’d tried talking to the little darling she’d just ignore him and Alastor would go to his room and sulk. 

Nifty had always adored Alastor, and vice versa, so having the tiny ball of joy irked for longer than a month really had put a hindrance on his growing mood. The little lady could hold a grudge, that Al knew far to well, now. 

As they two walked down the stairs Alastor grew more wary. There weren’t many people in the lobby, most hearing the familiar radio static had scampered away, not wanting a repeat of their near double death experience. Husk was at the bar, shuffling a deck of cards and Vaggie was sitting on the couch, a clipboard in hand. She looked up and spotted the two demons, an irritated look on her face. 

“What took you two so long? It’s been an hour.” She said, looking down at their hands, setting her clipboard down on the little coffee table at her side with a smirk. 

Alastor quickly pulled his hand away when he noticed Vaggie’s stare, clasping his hands together behind his back, and wobbly smile on his face. 

“What happened to your face Al?”

She asked after a second, smirk not fading. 

“Not anything worth noting, darling..” he responded lightly. 

“Have you seen nifty?” Angel asked, walking up to the bar. 

“Somewhere. I dunno.” Husk grumbled, setting his cards down and grabbing a glass, cleaning it with a small rag. 

Alastor walked up to the bar and reached for a bottle of rum, which Angel snatched immediately. 

“Hey!” Al said, surprised. 

“Do you want some pain pills?” Angel offered instead, putting the bottle back in its place behind the bar. “You have to eat first.”

“I don’t _need_ pain pills.” The deer shot back, crossing his arms on the counter and leaning a bit forward. Husk smirked. 

“So you two dating now, or what?” 

Alastor blushed, shaking his head frantically. 

“Actually, can I get those pain pills?” He mumbled before standing up and walking to the kitchen hastily. 

Angel laughed, though he too was blushing, shaking his head, his hand covering his face. 

“Sure” he giggled out. 

“Well? It was an actual question.” Husk insisted. 

“Shut up, kitty..” Angel laughed. 

Charlie stepped out of the limo, bidding razzle and dazzle a quick goodbye and thank you before shutting the car door. To say she was nervous was an understatement. She was petrified. She didnt know what would happen, but she could almost guarantee it wouldn’t be good. She knew she was risking a lot asking her dad to undo a major decision, but she would do anything for her staff, anything for her friends. She cared about every single person in that hotel and she wouldn’t stand by as her friends were being hurt. She walked up the grand steps and into the large building. She took in a deep breath before heading up the stairs, crossing her fingers her father would at least listen to her request. 

Alastor rushed into the kitchen, closing the large doors and leaning against them, sighing, trying to calm his racing heart and cool his heating face. 

He looked up after some deep breaths and his strained smile dropped. Nifty was standing there on a stool, washing dishes. She didn’t seem to notice him, so he quietly backed further info the door, opening them and trying to rush out, only to get pushed back in by Angel Dust. 

“Hey Al- oh, what’s up Nif?” 

At the sound of her name nifty turned around, smile on her face. 

“Oh hi Angel! You missed breakfast so I saved you some, it’s over on the counter right there!” She said happily, pointing to a dish on the counter, completely ignoring the third body in the room. 

Alastor backed up, being stopped by Angels hand pulling him back. 

“Hey thanks Doll, Smiles ova’ here wanted to talk to ya’ so I’ll leave you both to it!”

Angel grabbed his plate of food and he walked out of the kitchen, closing the door just as Alastor got to it. 

“Can’t weasel your way outta this one, sorry baby.” Angel snickered, holding the door shut. 

Alastor’s ears were pinned down, his smile still gone, heart racing in his chest. 

He just wanted to get this over with. He knew nifty wouldn’t accept his apology, because he would she? He was a terrible person who put his friends in an absurd amount of danger. 

He turned around, an awkward smile on his face. “Ahem. Uh” he cleared his throat, looked at the short demon, the unimpressed look on her face only making him feel worse. 

“...I’m sorry nifty..” he whispered, not knowing what else to say. 

“I hate what I did, but I’m trying to make up for it, I really am, and I know I’m not doing a great job at it, but I hope to get better.. Angel seems to have a lot of confidence in me, I’m not quite sure why, but..”

He averted her gaze. Despite being small, the little lady could sure glare. It made him feel like a petulant child being scolded by a parent, only nifty had yet to say anything, and that somehow made it twice as worse. 

“But I wanted to say I’m sorry, Angel didn’t force me to say that, I just didn’t want to do it because I didn’t want you to say you.. you hated me.”

He said the last part barley above a whisper, his head down and throat tight. He couldn’t look at her face, he didn’t want to see the same disappointment he’s seen on everyone else. How does someone get _Nifty_ to hate them? Alastor knew he was a bad person, but he didn’t think he could stoop to such lows.. it made him want to curl up and die, but lately, _everything_ made him want to die. maybe Rosie was right, maybe he was suicidal. 

He heard a small sigh and he looked up hesitantly. Nifty was looking at him, her face covered in an emotion Alastor couldn’t place. 

“I know your sorry. I could tell from the beginning.” She said. 

“O-oh.” He mumbled softly, not knowing how to respond. 

“Well, I accept your apology.”

“Wait, _what_?” Alastor hated how 

un-proper that sounded, but he couldn’t stop the words from coming out. He felt hopeful, but he didn’t want to let his guard down too much, just in case..

“I accept your apology. I can tell your really sorry about what you did, and it wouldn’t by very lady like to ignore such a gentleman all day.” Nifty explained with a sharp toothed grin. 

“That- I didn’t- ah..” Alastor’s collar beeped yellow and he froze. Why was it beeping? He was _happy_! 

“Alastor?” Nifty spoke carefully, not wanting to irk him. “Are you okay?”

Alastor didn’t move, his mind racing. His breathing quickened. He did not want to get shocked in front of nifty. He just got on her good side again! He didn’t want to scare her ten seconds after she’d forgave him!

After a few seconds the collar turned green and Alastor let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. 

“Oh my gosh, Are you okay?” Nifty asked again, stepping off her stood and walking towards the deer. 

“Yes, yes, I’m alright dear, just uh- some _technically difficulties_..” he mumbled quickly, shooting her a wobbly smile, the words tumbling out of his mouth without any punctuation. 

“Thank you so much for this talk, darling, but I think I need to go.. if that’s alright with you of course?” 

Nifty nodded bidding the stag a hasty goodbye as he rushed out of the kitchen and into the lobby. 

“Hey Al, did you do.. it- hey what’s wrong?” Angel asked, worry paining his features. 

“N-nothing, I just.. me and nifty talked, and I apologized, we’re fine.” 

He didn’t know why he said ‘ _we’re_ ’. he knew he wasn’t talking about him and nifty, he was talking about himself. _He_ was fine, not _we_. 

“Okay, you sure?”

Alastor hummed, running his fingers along the illuminated section of his collar. 

“You wouldn’t happen to have gotten those pain pills I requested, would you?” 

“Here.” Husk grumbled, giving them to the deer a little more roughly than necessary. Alastor glared a bit, taking the pills dry before taking his seat. God he was tired. 

“You’re there already?” Vaggie said, sounding concerned. 

_ “Yeah, I’m just waiting for mom and dad to come in, they said they’ll be here any minute.” _

“Okay, you sound nervous. You sure everything’s okay, hon?”

_ “Yep! Everything’s fine! All under control! No problems here..”  _

Vaggie obviously didn’t buy it, but she didn’t call her girlfriend out. She was reasonably nervous, and Vaggie was too. She wished she could be there with her, but she was the only one that could responsibly watch the hotel. Husk would probably drink himself into a coma half an hour into being in charge, nifty wouldn’t pay any attention to things other than messes, Angel wouldn’t take things seriously, and Alastor could barely watch himself. She sighed irritatedly. 

_ “How are things over there? Everything  Fine?”  _

“It’s going okay, no major issues, I’m pretty sure Al and Angel are dating now though, so that’s a thought.”

Vaggie has to hold the phone out at an arms length not blow an eardrum out at Charlie’s high pitched squeal of joy. 

_“I knew they would! Those two dummies were in love for so long and didn’t even realize it! How’d you find out?_ ” She gushed. Vaggie smiled, picturing her girlfriends ecstatic face.

“Well, I don’t know for sure if they are, but they were holding hands, and when I went up to wake them up they were sharing a bed so-“

_“Oh my gosh! I can’t wait to get back! I’m so happy for them_!” 

Vaggie laughed, walking down the hall to look into the lobby. Angel, husk and Alastor were all at the bar. She frowned a bit, squinting to get a better look. 

Al looked a bit tired, he had his hand on his collar, but Vaggie couldn’t see more than that. Angel was talking to husk, who seemed very uninterested in what the spider was telling him. 

_ “-aggie? Vaggie? You there?” _

“Oh! Sorry, I was just checking on them. 

_ “Is everything okay?” _

“Yeah, but I think we need a distraction, Al seems a bit nervous.”

_ “How about a movie? Movies are great distractions because you can play a lot of them one after another!” _

Vaggie smiled again, turning around and heading into her and Charlie’s shared bedroom. 

“That’s a good idea.” She said.

_“Yeah! And maybe I can get back I watch some with you guys! It’ll be fun! Like a sleepover!_ ” 

“Yeah. I’ll set the bedroom up and call everyone in. We’ll watch some Disney.”

There was a few voices heard on the other end of the phone and Vaggie dropped the disk cases she was grabbing onto the bed. 

“Charlie?”

_“Yes sir, thank you... Sorry Vaggie, I gotta go, I’ll call you when I’m done! Wish me luck.”_ She whispered the last part into the phone as she said goodbye. 

“Bye, hon. Love you.”

_ “Love you too!” _

The call ended and Vaggie felt a bit lost when it did. She took a deep breath and grabbed the disks, setting them on the dresser by the TV and grabbing a bunch of pillows and blankets, arranging them on the floor to look neat and comfortable. 

She dimmed the lights and put in a random disk, turning the television on and setting the remote down. Now to convince a bunch of seasoned demons to watch Disney movies together in a confined space. Easy. 

As Vaggie was making the long walk down the stairs, she voiced her doubts to herself. This kind of thing was Charlie’s domain, Vaggie would just support such decisions openly, but it was a long walk, and she had time to pull herself together and enter the lobby. 

“Hey, listen, Charlie’s going to be out for a while-“

“Do ya know how long?” Angel interrupted. Vaggie glared at him, shaking her head no. 

“She didn’t say, but she did suggest watching a movie, so let’s go.”

“Aw sweet! What movie?”

“I don’t know, I threw a random one in, but you guys can choose if you want.”

Angel grinned, standing up and walking into the kitchen. 

“I’ll make some popcorn!”

“Get nifty too, we’ll be in Charlie’s room.” Vaggie said, motioning for Al and Husk to get up. 

“You have to come. It’s not optional.” She explained at the pairs reluctant looks. 

Husk groaned, grumbling profanities under his breath, grabbing a new bottle of rum and trekking up the stairs. “Let’s get this shit show over with..”

Vaggie turned to Alastor. 

“Come on, Al. This is mandatory.” She insisted sternly. 

Alastor narrowed his eyes, not moving from his seat. He scoffed. 

“Absolutely not.”

Vaggie sighed for what felt like the tenth. time that day. 

“Look, it’s just until Charlie gets back, if you don’t distract yourself you end up going crazy and destroying another room, and we can’t have you doing that, _or_ hurting yourself. _Again_.” She said, pointing to his various injuries. 

“How have they not healed yet? When you get hurt it usually takes no time at all to heal.”

“I appreciate your concern..” he mumbled sarcastically, not answering her question. 

“Whatever. Let’s just go, right now.”

“I-“ 

“You don’t have a choice. Let’s _go_.”

Alastor glared at the woman harshly, the air around him growing thick with static and small sparks flying down his neck, his collar beeping an angry red. 

Vaggie didn’t back down. Alastor was going to watch a movie with them, wether he liked it or not. 

The deer had yet to move, his arms crossed over his chest like a defiant toddler. 

Vaggie scoffed. “Come on, your being ridiculous. Stop being so immature and let’s go, Al.”

“ _No_.”

“You can keep saying no, you won’t get what you want. When has saying no ever gotten you what you wanted?” 

“ _ **Never**_!” He growled, gritting his teeth at the small wave a shocks flowing through his body. 

Angel walked out of the kitchen, a large bowl full to the brim with popcorn in his lower set of arms. 

“What’re you two doin’?” He asked, handing the bowl to nifty who happily took it upstairs. 

“Get your deer into the bedroom so we can watch the damn movie, Angel.”

Angel smiled at that. “Yeah, come on, ‘ _my deer_ ’, let’s go spin some radio Disney, huh?”

“I don’t want to, why can’t I just stay here? I won’t do anything.”

“Because this is a distraction for _you_ , Alastor. If you don’t distract yourself you’ll drive yourself mad, overthinking things like you always do.” 

“I do _not_ overthink things.”

“Yes you do”

“No I-“

“Okay! Let’s just go watch a movie, okay Bambi? Come on, you can’t argue anymore.”

Alastor’s smile shrunk immensely, and if he wasn’t smiling, Vaggie would have said he was pouting. 

He let Angel pull him upstairs and kept his head down, his ears pinned back. 

She felt a little bad at his dejected look. He looked like a muzzled dog, beaten and kicked, and that made her feel like a dick. But she wasn’t, because she was making him watch a _Disney_ movie, not sit in prison. Alastor had a tendency to overdramatized everything all the time, giving her and Charlie a kicked puppy look just to get out of things and she hated that it worked. The deer was more like a weasel, or a fox. She wanted to smack him sometimes, but she couldn’t, because the deer would flinch away anything touch related when he wasn’t expecting it. If he wasn’t looking at you, or hadn’t noticed you, and you set a hand on his shoulder he would jump, and that made hitting him make her feel like such an ass, so she never did it. 

“ _hijo de puta_ ” she mumbled under her breath, walking up the stairs and into the dimly lit room. 

Charlie walked up the last set of stairs, sighing quietly and thanking the imp guards who opened the door for her to enter. 

“Charlotte, to what do I owe the pleasure, dear daughter?” Lucifer boomed, one hand holding his apple topped cane and the other resting on the arm of his chair. Lilith sat beside him, they were both smiling down at Charlie, and it made her squirm and avert their harsh gazes. 

“Do stand up straight, sweetheart, can’t have you slouching, can we?” Lilith said we chin in her hand. 

“Yes, uh, mom and dad, I came here to talk about the collar you put on Alastor, and to ask you to take it off.” She said with a sudden burst of confidence. 

“ _No_.” Lucifer said, grin widening. 

“W-what? You didn’t even- why not?”

Charlie was baffled. She knew her father could be quick with these kinds of conversations, but she’d at least expected him to hear her out. 

“Look, charlotte, I put the collar on your Radio Demon for a reason, you must understand that every thing I do is for a _reason_.” 

“Well what was Al’s reason?” She asked, anger rising and eyebrows furrowing together, frown deepening. 

Lucifer stood from his thrown, stepping forward and stoping in front of Charlie. 

“Charlotte, details aren’t important, but I’ll tell you this, your Radio Demon is getting _stronger_ , and we can’t have that. There is no other plausible way to secure his growing power than a shock collar. This collar isn’t just for controlling his anger, it’s for keeping his power at _bay_.”

“W-what.. what does that mean?” She asked carefully, shuffling her feet. Her fathers explanations could sometimes be overly dramatic, but Charlie had a awful feeling everything he was saying was true. Her stomach dropped in dread. 

“It means it’s _draining_ him.”

“What movie is this?” Angel asked, getting comfortable on the floor, folding his legs up to fit. Alastor sat beside him, looking unbelievably uncomfortable. 

“The lion king” Vaggie answered, pressing play and sitting back beside the deer. Husk sat on the other side of vaggie and nifty sat next to him, so Vaggie was in the middle. She didn’t like that she was, but she brushed it off for them all being boys, besides nifty, who sat farther away. 

Beside her husk scoffed. “The fuck is a _lion king_ ”

“It’s a movie, now shut up and watch it.”

“It’s a sad one, get ready.” Angel whispered. Vaggie roller her eyes. She looked at her phone and saw a text from Charlie. 

[ _hey I’ll be home a few hours earlier than expected, talk to you when I get there._ ]

That made her worried. Something obviously happened, but if Charlie said she’d talk to her when she got back to the hotel she would talk to her then. She looked up and the movie had started. She guessed this wasn’t such a bad idea for a distraction. She looked to her left and saw Alastor looking at his lap. She grabbed the remote and highered the volume, tossing it to the floor and nudging the deer, who blinked at her and tilted his head. 

“Watch the movie.” She said quietly, just loud enough for him to hear. His ear twitched a bit and he turned to the screen, smile tightening. 

Vaggie smiled. At least he listened.

She supposed she needed the distraction too. She felt like a baby sitter today, and she couldn’t stop thinking about Charlie the whole time. 

She was glad she was coming back early though, she didn’t know how long she could keep them all here for. 

When it came to the scene where Mufasa died, Angel made a little displeased sound, whispering something to Al that she couldn’t quite hear. Alastor laughed a bit, before the spider smacked his shoulder with a frown. 

“Sorry..” he mumbled. 

She looked over to her other side and noticed husk was gone. 

“Nifty, where’s husk?” She asked the shorter demon quietly. 

“He said this was boring and left.” She answered, never looking away from the screen, shoving popcorn in her mouth. 

“ _Wow_.” She looked back at the two on her other side and she frowned.

Both were giggling like schoolgirls now, not paying any attention to the movie on the screen. Vaggie sighed deeply, resting her face in her hands. 

This was going to be a long night. 

“Thank you dazzle” Charlie said to the little goat demon as she stepped out of the limousine in front of the hotel. 

She rubbed her arm, not wanting to go in with such news. It wasn’t that bad, she convinced her father of half what she wanted, but that didn’t wash away what really was happening to their radio sponsor. 

She took in a deep breath and walked into the hotel, opening the large doors and closing them softy, surprised to see no one in the lobby except husk, who was unconscious on the counter. She frowned, furrowing her eyebrows in thought. 

“Oh! They’re watching a movie! I forgot, I can’t wait to see everyone!” She said to herself excitedly. 

She hurried up the stairs, practically skipping down the hall, she knocked on the door before opening it. 

It had been about three hours since she texted Vaggie she’d be back early, so she expected to see the group watching their second or third movie by the time she’d arrived, she didn’t expect to see the absolute cutest thing in her life. 

“Vaggie?” She whispered happily, grin wide as she walked into the room. Like Vaggie has said, Angel and Alastor seemed to be getting along _great_. Al was leaning on the spiders shoulder, and they were holding hands. “Cute.”

Nifty was curled up by the pillows and Vaggie was half asleep, her phone hanging limply in her hand. 

“Vaggie?” She repeated, poking her on the cheeks smiling wide when the moth jumped and opened her eyes. 

“Oh, Hey Hon, when did you get back?”

“Just now. Did you see?” The princess pointed happily to the two sleeping demons beside her girlfriend. 

“Yeah, they fell asleep like, an hour into the first movie.” She laughed, standing up and walking over to Charlie, her legs wobbly. 

“So what did you want to talk to me about?” Vaggie said, grabbing Charlie’s hands and kissing her cheek. Her smile shrunk a little as she hugged the moth before pulling her out of the room. 

“Come on, let’s talk out here..”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for typos 
> 
> hijo de puta = motherfucker


	14. Scare me, fear me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just wanna day thanks for waiting for this chapter, I know it took awhile, so I hope it’s worth The wait

“So what did your dad say?” Vaggie asked hopefully as the two walked into the hall, Charlie closing the door softly. 

“Well.. do you want the good news, or the bad news?”

“There’s bad news?”

Charlie paused. 

“I um- actually the good news, _is_ the bad news, so there’s two, bad news.. es.”

“Your kidding.”

Charlie shook her head, her smiley face contorting into one of a grimace. 

“He said that the collar wasn’t just for keeping him in line, it’s for keeping his power to a minimum, it’s draining his remaining power so he doesn’t get stronger..”

Vaggie haD to take a moment to process the words, not believing what she heard. 

“What does that even mean?” She asked, flabbergasted. What did she mean draining him? How was that even possible?

“I’m not sure, but he did say that since he had already started he could just take it off-“ 

“Well that’s great! When will he do it?”

“It’s not that easy, Alastor won’t regain that power if he takes it off right away, and I don’t think he will be very pleased about that.”

Vaggie understood that. If she was an overlord, she wouldn’t be very happy to know all of her power was being drained with a shock collar too. That also explained why Alastor’s injuries weren’t healing, he relied on his magic for all of that, and without it he was.. well, what _was_ he without them? Without them he’s defenseless. No _power_ , no _muscles.._

“He does have _some_ magic left, but not nearly enough to do all that voodoo stuff he did when he first arrived, even back then I don’t think he could do something like that without being exhausted afterwards.” Charlie explained, wringing her hands with a sad look on her face. 

“I also don’t think Alastor will handle this news well with his current mental state, he’s really taken a beating, I really think we should get the collar off right after we tell him, so for now let’s keep it under wraps until we’ve got it all sorted out.”

Vaggie nodded, looking towards the door sadly. She might not be the biggest fan of the Radio freak, but even she had her limits. This was far to much punishment for simply acting out. 

“Well, was that it? When can we get the collar off?”

“I’m not sure, it won’t be long though, do you think he can handle a few more careful days?”

She smirked, shifting and putting her hand on his hip. “Yeah. With his new emotional support spider I think he’ll be able to handle it okay.”

Charlie giggled, opening the door and walking back into the room, a random movie playing on the TV. She sat down in the space between Alastor and Nifty and pulled her girlfriend down next to her, hugging her from the side and leaning her head on her shoulder. 

“I missed you a lot. It was so scary.” 

Charlie whispered softly, intertwining their fingers. Vaggie hummed in response. 

“I missed you too. I wish I could’ve been with you through it all.”

The conversation ended there and the couple directed their focus to the TV, the sound of the movie playing and the soft hum of radio static lulling them to sleep. 

—————————————————

Alastor made his way through the radio towers long halls, walking down the stairs carelessly and stopping at his office door. He had a handful of papers and important documents he needed to fill out, and he set them on his desk, not bothering to keep them in order. He sat down and grabbed a pen, grabbing the first document and looking it over. 

_Instantly_ he was bored. 

He needed to be more responsible. More adult. He wanted things to start getting back to normal, he’d been through it all already. He talked to everyone, and no one seemed to be angry with him. Things were actually starting to grow more familiar, and Alastor was happy with the way things have been. 

He signed his name on the paper and grabbed the next one. 

Well, _sort_ _of_ happy. 

It had been a week since Vaggie made them all watch those dumb movies. 

_A week_. 

It had certainly felt much longer, and Alastor felt suffocated being in that cesspool for so long, he needed to distance himself. At least, that’s what he _thought_ he needed. He insisted that he start doing paperwork again also, and after a while of asking, Charlie hesitantly allowed him to. Of course, he only did so to get some sort of familiarity back, not because he actually _wanted_ to do them. 

He signed another, repeating the painfully boring process with the others. 

Charlie didn’t like that he’d spent most of his time that week at his radio tower, but he didn’t want to spend to much time at the hotel for some reason. He’d been feeling a little... blocked up. He thought staying away from what he assumed was making him feel so crappy would make him feel better, but he just felt worse. More alone. He would ask Rosie or Mimzy to come over, but they were both busy, and he desperately wanted to go back to the hotel, but he was so tired, he couldn’t magic himself there without collapsing on the hotel lobby floor like a certain _incident_ he’d rather not think about. 

He sighed, bored out of his mind, dropping his head to his desk, his collar beeping twice, making him jump. He ran his fingers through his hair, his elbows on the desk, his pen rolling to the floor with an audible click, making him realize just how quiet it was in his office. The only sound he heard echoing through the room was his radio static. He should just turn the radio on- His collar beeped again and he stood up straight, very confused. He wasn’t angry, why was it beeping? 

Recently his collar has been acting odd. Sometimes when he’s happy, he’ll get a shock, then when he’s irritated, he’ll only get a beep. It made him very wary of his emotions, that was one of the main reasons he wanted to get away from the hotel, he felt so many emotions there, especially around Angel Dust. Not all of them were bad, he was only really in a bad mood some of the time, like when Vaggie would yell at him, or husk would ignore him. He wouldn’t get shocked as bad as when he was feeling a particularly strong emotion, like when he was excited, a sharp shock would stop that right in its tracks, and Alastor wasn’t really happy with that. He wasn’t doing anything to warrant any shocks, he didn’t hurt anyone anymore, and he hardly hurt himself, so he didn’t think the collar was being very fair. He was mature, though, and would take his punishment without complaint. 

**_Beep!_ **

“Ugh! This is _awful_!” He yelled, gripping his hair harder, standing up and pushing his chair back forcefully. 

Maybe he _couldn’t_ take his punishment as well as he’d thought he could. 

“Ah! Mmm...” he hummed harshly, bitting his lip as shocks shot through his body. 

He hadn’t realized he’d dropped to his knees, but when he did he opened his eyes and let go of the breath he’d been holding. 

He grabbed his collar out of instinct and growled.  He thought he was okay here, okay _alone_ , but things seemed to be a lot more complicated than that. He tried standing up, hand on his desk to support him but he gave up and collapsed on the floor. After a beat he took in a breath and stood up, grunting from the pain in his neck. Shakily, he lifted his hand and summoned his microphone, “aha.” He laughed unhumorously, a wobbly grin on his face. It only took _one_ try that time. He tapped the mic a couple of times, trying to tune into the radio on the bar in the hotel. It wasn’t that early, he was sure husk would be there. He sat down and folded his arms on the table, one hand still holding his staff. He rested his head in his arms as he waited for the radio to tune. 

“Husker?” He mumbled, his voice more staticy than he was used to. 

It took a while, but he eventually heard the cats gruff voice. 

_ “...the fuck do you want?”  _

Alastor laughed.

“Nice to talk to you too, how is your day?”

_ “Tell me what you want or I’m breaking this thing.” _

“Ah. Right to the point as always old friend. You wouldn’t be object on telling Angel Dust to come to the radio tower, would you?”

Husk didn’t reply for a while and Alastor looked at the microphone, hating that he panicked a bit, thinking husk was true to his word. 

“Husker?” He breathed out. 

_“Yeah, gimme a minute.”_ His grumbly voice was loud through the mic and Al hummed in response, sighing and dropping his head back down. The collar beeped and Alastor didn’t respond. He was getting angry, but not at Husker, or anyone else, he was just _angry_. He took a couple deep breaths though, not wanting to get shocked. 

_“He said he’ll be there in 20 minutes.”_ The cat said suddenly, making the deers ears perk up. 

“Wonderful, thank you m-“ 

There was loud radio feedback squealing on the other end and Alastor assumed husk changed the station. He sighed again, making his mic disappear. He could wait twenty minutes. No problem. It’s not like he had to do anything anyways, he wasn’t feeling as drained as he was a couple of minutes ago, having recovered from the shocks, so he stood up, definitely _not_ tripping over his chair as he did so, and walked down the hall to his room, dusting off his suit and kicking the fallen chair out of his way in doing so, walking down the brightly lit hall, collapsing on his bed face first. He pulled his suit jacket off, and not having the energy or the motivation to struggle with his waistcoat, he left it on. 

He closed his eyes, his hand drifting to his neck. Why did he feel so weak? Didn’t Charlie say she was talking to her parents about removing the collar last week? She hadn’t talked about it. 

_ Maybe she was lying? _

No, Charlie wouldn’t lie..

_She lied about you helping with the hotel_.

...she did. Alastor shook his head, deciding to trash that thought. It wasn’t Charlie’s fault he had this bloody collar on, it was his. He was just trying to push the blame one someone else. He didn’t want to do that, especially with Charlie. 

He rolled on his back and stretched his arms out, pulling his sleeves down and looking at the scars on his arm. The stitches had healed by then, but there were several that hadn’t, smaller, more _linear_ ones that were still fresh. He hated looking at them, but it was something he could control. He could control how many lines he put on his body, how much pain he felt, and that made him happier. Of course, no one knew He _still_ did it, and he wanted to keep it that way. Charlie and Vaggie didn’t like when he did this stuff, so he always wore his sleeves down. It wasn’t just his arms though, several times he’d ran out of space, so he expanded...

Rosie knew too, and she didn’t fancy it either, but she hadn’t asked about them for a few years, so Alastor just kept it to himself. 

He dropped his arms, raising his hand to his cheeks. The scratches there were completely healed, but sometimes Alastor could feel them sting. The marks on his first from punching the mirror hadn’t healed completely, but he didn’t mess with them to often. 

He closed his eyes. He was bored, and when he was bored, he’d usually go out for a killing spree, maybe a bite to eat, but he couldn’t do that now. Before, when he’d just gotten the collar he could still kill people, of course, he’d get shocked very severely, but a shock for a kill was better than a continuous streak of shocks for no kill.  


He heard a noise downstairs and sat up, his ears perked and twitching, listening for sounds, his heart beating fast as his body flowed with unwanted anxiety, his animal instincts acting up. He couldn't defend himself right now, he had _nothing_. 

“Hey Al! Where are ya?”

Oh. Right, that was Angel. He’d forgotten about that. The panic subsided a little, Alastor’s grip on his blankets loosening as he climbed off the bed. 

“Coming!” Alastor shouted, rolling his sleeves down and fixing his hair, debating on slipping shoes on, but deciding against it. He wasn’t going out anywhere, just socks were fine. He rushed downstairs, ignoring the lightheaded feeling he got in doing so. 

He spotted the fluffy visitor by the door, looking around the bright room.

“Hey Smiles, you good?” 

Alastor nodded, walking up to the spider. 

“You got a nice place, real booshi.” Angel grinned, looking around the tower. Alastor made a face. 

“I don’t know what that means.” 

“Fancy, expensive, whateva’. What’d you need?”

Alastor didn’t know _what_ he needed. He just didn’t want to be alone, powerless and emotional. He nearly gagged at the feeling. He paused, searching his mind for how to respond. 

“I- uh.. _You_.”

Angels grin widened. 

“Aw, how sweet, Bambi! Real cute- Gosh, your a lot shorter without shoes on, you wear heels?”

Al blushed, pushing the spiders wandering hands away. “Let’s just go upstairs.” 

The spider shrugged. “Your the boss.” 

As they advanced up the stairs Angel spoke again. 

“Geez this place looks like Val’s.” 

Alastor scoffed, grimacing. 

“Please don’t compare anything of mine to _Valentino_.”

“Yeah. Y’know I uh- been wanting to talk to ya, you’ve just been gone for a couple days and I couldn’t catch ya.” The Arachnid said with an awkward chuckle. 

The two got to the top of the stairs and Alastor walked down the hall, Angel following him past a room with an open door, Angel peering in, squinting at the mess of papers on the desk, and a chair on the floor. The two walked into a room Angel assumed was Alastor’s bedroom. It wasn’t unlike his room at the hotel, just a bit bigger. 

“Yes, I apologize for that, I’ll most likely be at the hotel for most of my time from here on out.”

“Yeah, that’s good..”

Alastor sat on his bed, back against the headboard and Angel stood there awkwardly for a while before Al noticed, patting the space beside him. 

Angel sat, crossing his top arms over his chest, and his lower arms on his lap. 

“So what did you want to talk to me about?” Alastor asked suddenly. 

“O-oh yeah, _that_ , uhh..” Angel stammered, blushing profusely. Alastor tilted his head, grin showing his confusion. 

“Are you okay? Are you sick? Your face is quite red.” 

Angel laughed despite his nerves. 

“Nah, I ain’t sick.. I just.. wanted to ask you if..”

Angel struggled, smiling softly, face hot. Why was it so hard to ask him out? He’d asked a lot of people out and he’s never been so nervous, but the way he felt for Alastor, when he was with him, it wasn’t like how he felt with any other guy before, it was different, stronger.

He took in a deep breath. 

“..If you want to be my boyfriend.” He said quickly, closing his eyes. 

Alastor’s smile was frozen on his face. 

‘ _What?’_

“I-“ Alastor’s collar beeped suddenly and Angel opened his eyes, dread filling his body, making him back up frantically, shaking, and frowning profusely. 

Alastor panicked, holding his arms out and shaking his head frantically. 

“No! It’s not- I’m not mad, it just does that sometimes! _Please don’t leave._ ” He whispered the last part, rushing, and not meaning for it to come out, ears down as he watched Angel stand up and back away. “.. _Don’t go._ ” He nearly whimpered, wincing at the small sparks around his neck 

The spider stopped, turning back towards the deer, narrowing his eyes. 

“Can.. can you ask me again?” Alastor asked softly. 

“...do you want to go out with me?” Angel breathed out, eyes glistening.

“Yes.”

Angel paused for a second before smiling wide. 

“Really?”

“ _Yes_.”

He laughed, tears falling down his cheeks, grabbing the deers hands and getting back on the bed to face him. 

“ _Can I kiss you?_ ”

“.. _yes_.” He laughed 

Angel practically jumped on him, making them both fall on the floor smiling and laughing happily.

Angel kissed him and his grin only grew when Alastor kissed back. He pulled away, hugging the smiling deer and chuckling quietly. 

“I-I thought you’d say no.” He laughed through happy tears. 

Alastor didn’t respond, only shaking his head and sighing, smile genuine for what felt like the first time in weeks, wrapping his arms around the spider to reciprocate the fluffy hug. He was _definitely_ glad Angel was here. 

“We should get up.” Al said after a few minutes. 

“Yeah” Angel stood, reaching out a hand to pull his new boyfriend up. 

Alastor’s collar beeped twice, making him flinch. He touched it and winced when he got shocked. 

“Geez, that things on the fritz.. we should ask Charlie about it tomorrow. Or whenever you’re ready to head back to the hotel.”

“Can we go back now? I don’t want to be here anymore.”

“Sure-“ they were interrupted by Angel’s phone ringing. He paused and pulled it out, checking the caller ID. 

“Well, speak of the devils daughter.” He laughed, showing the phone screen to the deer, who tilted his head at it. Angel brought the phone up, answering the call. 

“What’s up, toots?”

“ _Bring Al to the hotel! Hurry!_ ”

“Yikes.. what?” Angel said, wincing at the volume. 

“ _I sent the limo! It’s collar time!_ ” 

“Collar time...? Ohh! Okay, yeah, See you there!”  
Charlie squealed on the other end, making the spider smirk.  Angel turned to the confused deer and smiled. “Ain’t that quick?”

Alastor looked perplexed, not understanding what was happening. 

“What did she need?”

Angel hung up and grabbed Alastor’s hand, pulling him to sit on the bed and sticking his phone back in his pocket. 

“Get your shoes on Bambi! It’s collar time!”

“Sorry?” 

A car honked outside and Angel grinned. That was _extremely_ fast. 

“You shall be shocked no more! Come on!” Angel pulled him up again and dragged him down the stairs. 

“Wait, _explain_! I didn’t get my shoes-“

“Don’t matter! Let’s go!”

They got to the large front doors and Angel pulled the deer along, running out to the driveway and opening the limo door for the shorter demon before getting in after him.

“My socks are dirty..” Alastor mumbled, glaring at the spider. Angel shrugged. 

“Whoops.”

The limo drove off, Driving past so many things Alastor hadn’t seen in so long. The news station, the bell tower, Rosie’s emporium and Mimzy’s bar. Al leant on the window, his collar hitting the glass like a reminder of what’s keeping him from going out. It’s not like he couldn’t go outside at all, he could, it’s just he couldn’t without fear of getting ambushed. He had no way of protecting himself. He couldn’t go out because he was _alone_. Angel put his hand on top of his, making his chest feel fuzzy and face hot. He smiled. 

Well, maybe not _completely_ alone. 

The limo pulled up to the hotel and Angel hopped out, grabbing Al’s hand and helping him out, not paying any attention to the grimace on his face from his socked feet touching the dirty ground.

“You never explained to me why we were in such a rush.” He said, snapping a few times before making a pair of shoes summon on his feet, wincing at the shock. 

Angel smirked playfully. “You’ll see.”

The two entered the lobby, Charlie ambushing the two in hugs. 

“Oh my gosh I missed you Al! Your okay, right?”

“Yes, I’m fine.” 

“Okay, great, because dad gave me the key card to your collar! so let’s get that awful thing off you, huh?”

Vaggie stood to her side, a worried look on her face. 

“Wait, Charlie, let’s see his magic first.” She whispered, making Alastor’s ears twitch. 

“My magic? Whatever for?”

Vaggie kicked herself, forgetting the deers impeccable hearing. Charlie spoke up.

“Well, uh Al, when I talked to dad, he told me some things, about the collar.”

“Bad things?” Angel asked, his lower hand still holding Alastor’s. 

“Not... _great_ things.. you see, to sum it up, you were getting stronger, that’s why it was so hard for your to control your power that day, remember?”

He did. It had been hard to control what he was doing, it felt like all of that pressure was inside his chest, and letting all that magic loose really made him able to breath again. Of course doing so only put a different kind of weight on his chest. 

“The collars meant to take some of that power off, so it’s easier to manage, but dad went a little overboard.. regaining that magic might take some time, and a _lot_ of sinning..”

“It took my powers?” That explained a lot. It made sense now, why he got so tired after using small amounts of power, why he couldn’t use the same magic he had before, it made sense, but why take so much?

“That’s why your collars been acting so weird.” Angel said, knocking Al out of his thoughts. 

“We’re sorry we waited so long to tell you, but we couldn’t say before getting the key, we didn’t want you being drained of more power.” Vaggie explained further, motioning to the key card in Charlie’s hand. 

“The good thing is though, you’ll have more magic as soon as we take the collar off, just not as much as before.”

Alastor didn’t know what to say. He felt lied to, but he knew that wasn’t it. They hadn’t lied to him, he just hadn’t asked. He only nodded his head, his grip on Angels hand tightening. 

“Let’s get it off now, okay?”

Charlie took a step forward, cautiously raising her hand to the deers neck. 

It was then Alastor saw she was shaking. 

_She was scared_. 

This seemed a bit familiar. He stepped back, looking at her face, she was smiling awkwardly, Vaggie close behind her, spear in hand, and though she looked happy, Al could see she was ready to defend her girlfriend If anything we’re to happen. If Alastor were to do anything. 

“Al? What’s wrong?” She asked, pulling her hands back to her chest. 

“You.. your _scared_.” His collar beeped once, turning yellow. A warning. Alastor wasn’t mad, but he was feeling a particularly strong emotion right now, and as he learned earlier that day, any strong emotion would get him shocked. 

“Your shaking. Your scared.” He repeated, smile nearly disappearing. 

“No, that not it, I promise, let’s just get it off, okay? Calm down.” Her voice shook, her eyes showing she was lying. Charlie was always a bad liar. 

“Why do you want me calm? So I don’t attack you the second I get the damn thing off?” He asked, letting go of Angels hand like it’d been burnt. 

“Al, come on-“ he said sadly, jumping back when he growled. 

“Angel, don’t touch him.” Charlie said as he reached out for his boyfriend. She put her hand to her mouth immediately, eyes wide. Alastor narrowed his eyes. 

“No, that not what I meant. Alastor, I’m sorry it’s not what I-“

“You _are_ scared. You think I’m a danger, don’t you. That I’m a _monster_. You kept this from me so I wouldn’t go crazy, correct?” He snapped, baring his teeth in a smiling snarl. 

Vaggie pulled her girlfriend back, her hand on her shoulder and spear ready. 

“Calm down, Al.” She said seriously.

“ _No_!” He laughed, his voice cracking, it was  laced thickly with static. He glared at the advancing spider, making him stop in his tracks. 

“I’m a _monster_.” He said darkly, smile widening, his collar beeping once more as his eyes flickered between radio dials, his claws digging into his hands as he clenched his fist tightly, he felt the blood from the new wounds roll down his knuckles. 

“You all think I’m a monster.”

“No, Al, that’s not true!” 

“Then touch me! Get close to me! Touch my neck, Charlie, my hand, my arm, my collar, anything without flinching away the second I move!”

“I-I..” she stammered, looking for what to say. She put her hand on Alastor’s shoulder softly, still shaking. Alastor raised his clawed hands to touch her arm and Charlie flinched violently, stepping into Vaggie who raised her spear. 

“Hah.. I knew it..” he whispered, shaking his head, ears pinned back. He grabbed the small key card in Charlie’s hand, making her pull away like it’d hurt. Alastor pressed the key card to his collar, frowning when it came off and fell to the floor with a loud clack. He looked up and saw Charlie frowning, tears falling down her face. He dropped his arms to his side and waited for Charlie to say something. He wanted her to know even though he was upset, he had control. He wasn’t going to hurt anyone, he desperately wanted her to understand that. Maybe he could’ve shown her  that without freaking out like that, but shouldn’t she know by now he wasn’t going to do anything? What if she never trusted him again? Alastor didn’t know how he’d ‘live‘ with himself. He supposed he wouldn’t be _living_ if that were the case. 

“No.. I’m so _so_ sorry Alastor.. I am..”

Alastor stood unmoving, frowning down at the princess. 

“Gosh, I just- I keep hurting you.. I keep think about all these horrible things, things you might do, things I’ve seen you do to people, things my parents said you did, and-and it scared me.. I never meant to hurt you, because I care about you, and I hate doing these things to you... I’m a scaredy cat, Al.” She laughed, wiping her eyes. Vaggie’s spear had vanished, she was now standing beside her girlfriend, hand on her shoulder. 

“I’m a scaredy cat. I’m sorry.. it’s just, I don’t know, I know you won’t hurt us, but I can’t stop thinking about all these terrible things that can happen, and I know you aren’t a threat, if anything, your only a threat to _yourself_.” She motioned to his neck, the scar still present from when he clawed his throat. 

“I hate that I’m scared all the time. And I’m so sorry I keep doing this to you. It’s all getting kind of old, huh?” She laughed again, Stepping forward. 

“I’m not scared of you, I’m.. scared of what you can _do_ , you know? Your strong, and even though I know I can stop you without even trying, it’s still a little scary.” She chuckled a bit, looking at the sad deer. 

“...I do. I suppose that’s understandable..” he mumbled softly, looking at the ground as Angels hand found his own. He didn’t pull away this time, so he focused his attention on that. 

“Al, you aren’t a monster. You’re.. _you_. And I _never_ want you to change.”

She stood directly in front of the deer now, putting her arms on his shoulders and pulling him into a hug. Alastor stood rigid, unmoving, not expecting such a forward amount of touch. After a second he hugged her back, resting his face in her shoulder, his eyes wet with tears. “I-oh..”

“Aw, I want in.” Angel said with a grin, laughing and pulling the moth in too. 

“Come on vaggs, group hug!”

“Ugh.” Vaggie rolled her eyes but complied nonetheless, hugging them with a small smile. 

“I promise I’ll be better, Al. I haven’t been treating you fairly and it’s about time that’s changed.” Charlie said, pulling away. “Vaggie feels the same.”

Alastor tilted his head, looking confused at the moth. 

“ _Why_?” 

“Why what?” Vaggie asked. 

“Ah, never mind..”

“No, what do you-“

“This is great!” Charlie interrupted unknowingly. “We should just relax now, huh? Oh, Al why don’t you try using your magic?”

Alastor didn’t respond, looking at his bloody hands thoughtfully. 

“I’m actually quite tired right now, I think I’ll just sleep.”

“Oh, okay! Sleep is a great idea! How about a sleep over? It’s been a while!”

While the idea of a sleepover seemed awfully juvenile to him, it’d didn’t seem that bad right now. However, he’d much rather have Angel’s full attention than other people taking that away from him during a “sleepover.”

“I think we would let Al have his space for a while, toots. He’s had a rough few weeks. “

“Yeah, that reasonable, we fixed up your room if you want to sleep, Al! Of course we couldn’t afford to rebuild all that fancy furniture, so you’ll have to settle for some stuff we had on hand, I hope that’s okay”

Al nodded, not wanted to talk anymore. The more he thought about sleep the more he craved it, but a small nagging part of him made him crave something else, something... _bloody._

A familiar feeling rushed down his body, making him shake with excitement. 

“Ah.. I’m **_starving_**.” He mumbled, smile growing. Angel laughed, pulling the deer closer. 

“You know what that means baby?” The two grinned at each other. 

“Oh no. _Absolutely_ not.” Vaggie said, seemingly reading their faces. “You will not go _murdering_ people!”

Charlie rested her hand on her shoulder. 

“It’s been a while, let’s let it slide, just this once, huh Vaggie?”

She sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. 

“Whatever. Just don’t bring it inside or you’ll be the ones cleaning it. And don’t stay out past curfew, or I’ll mount you both on the wall like taxidermy.”

When she looked up both were gone, the hotels doors slamming shut. 

“Wow.” 

“It’s like we’re parents now Vaggie!”

“Huh?”

“Don’t stay out too late! Be good!” She said in a deep voice, laughing and hugging her girlfriend. 

“Yeah? Well now that the ‘kids’ are gone, wanna have some _fun_ of our own?”

She smirked, as Charlie, a blushing mess, made a little excited sound before pulling her up the stairs giggling. 

“Let’s have _fun_ then!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for typos
> 
> Last chapter will be up later tonight


	15. Alone (together)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I know I said this would be up last night, but I kinda forgot sorry lol

“I can’t believe you’ve never seen Bambi.” 

“Why? It’s just a cartoon.”

“Yeah, it’s basically your _life_ , Al.”

“How would you know that?”

“Cause your both deer!”

Alastor rolled his eyes, stretching across the bed. Angel put the disc in and walked over to the deer, pushing him over and laying beside him, remote in hand. 

“Let’s watch.” He said happily, ignoring the glare Al shot at him. 

It’s been a month after the collar was removed, a month after Charlie apologized, a month after Angel and him had started dating, an a month after things changed. 

They weren’t back to normal, but Alastor was okay with that. He like this new afterlife, it was much more fulfilling. It made him happy being beside Angel everyday, without a shock collar to keep him hostage. He was a lot happier, but that didn’t mean he was immune to the occasional bad day. Sometimes he would wake up and not want to move, and he felt terrible when Angel suggested they do something, but he couldn’t go, not having the motivation to get up. It was a good thing Angel was motivation enough to at least try. Today was one of those days, and Al felt like dying all over again, his chest ached and he had a phantom pain around his neck. Angel helped with that though, he help a lot, always being there for him, and Alastor couldn’t comprehend why. He didn’t deserve his love and affection, his comfort. Why would angel want him? He was a _monster_. He destroyed everything multiple times and ruined things over and over again, but Angel stayed, just like he’d promised. And despite how much Alastor loved that, it didn’t mean he thought he deserved it. Sometimes Angel would catch him carving lines into his body with a holy knife, those were bad days too, but Angel would make him feel better, and yes, it hurt, he wanted to die again, he didn’t want to be here, _existing_ , but Angel made the ache hurt a little less. He would distract him, with things like this, movies and cuddles. Al had urges to just get up and off himself right there, but Angel made him not want to do it that much. Angel told him he loved him, and cared about him, and he couldn’t help but think it was a lie. He _still_ thought it was all a lie, that he’d wake up one day with the shock collar still on, everyone hating him and fearing him, not wanting anything to do with him.. 

Charlie and Vaggie would tell him they cared about him, but that couldn’t be true. They _hated_ him right? Even though they’d shown him time and time again they all loved him he didn’t see how they could. He was a murderer, a cannibal, how could they love a monster like him?

“Are you watching? This is the cute part”

Angel wrapped his arm around him and Alastor smiled to make him happy, looking at the screen as he picked at the newly set bandages on his arm with a sigh when Angel pulled his hands away, kissing his cheek, seemingly sensing his inner turmoil.

“You know I love you, right?”

“Yes.”

“Good. Because I do. I love ya so much Al, you’ll be okay.”

He didn’t know if that was true, if he would ever be okay. Everything seemed great, but it wasn’t, and Alastor still didn’t feel it.. Has he _ever_ been okay? He might not know the answer to that, but right now, he knew he would be alright. Just for today, Right now, and that was all he needed. He just needed that confirmation. Needed that reassurance that angel was there, and wasn’t leaving. 

**_ But In the back of his mind he couldn’t push away the thought. _ **

On the walls his shadows wriggled around the dimly lit room, like they were mocking him. His arms itched and his fingers twitched, ears pressing back. He held his breath to not alert Angel to his sudden panic. He couldn’t bug him anymore. Everyday there was something else wrong with him and he didn’t want to keep asking for help because he _didn’t need it_. He was okay alone, he’d been okay alone his _whole life_! He took in another quick breath as his vision blackened at the edges. There was a knock at the door and Angel answered it verbally, not moving. 

“Come in!”

His arm around Alastor had pulled away, it now grabbing the remote and lowering the volume. 

_Why was he so loud?_ His ears seemed so sensitive now. 

The door opened and Charlie walked in, smile on her face. 

“Hey you two! Al didn’t come down for dinner so I thought I’d bring it up here, if that’s okay..” her gaze drifted to the aforementioned deer, eyebrows creasing in worry. She set the plate down on a nearby dresser and rushed to his side, angels hand now on his thigh. 

“Hey are you okay?” She asked, her hand shooting up to his forehead to check his temperature. 

“Are you alright Al?” Angel asked, worry lacing his tone. 

Alastor didn’t like all this touch, it was a bit much. His throat was to tight for him to answer the onslaught of questions leaving their mouths, so he let out a small whine, radio feedback blaring through the room. 

“Hey, calm down, deep breaths Smiles, you’ll be okay..” 

He panicked, nothing making sense in his mind, he looked up through blurry vision and spotted Charlie and angel both with concerned faces. Both of them were here, they were here, this was real, it was _okay_.. After a few difficult breaths he could feel his throat growing less tight, he could breath again, so slowly he did, not noticing when his hands traveled to his hair, his knees up to his chest. 

“-lastor? Al? Are you okay?”

Charlie’s voice registered in his mind and he looked up again, feeling his face wet with tears, his smile miraculously still in place. 

He took in a breath and blinked, looking at his hands. 

“Oh..”

“Oh? What do ya mean “ _oh_ ” Smiles?”

He took another deep breath and looked at Charlie and Angel, a confused smile on his face. 

“I’m... I’m not sure.”

Charlie put her hand on his knee and he stretched his leg out, her hand not moving. “Your okay?”

He nodded, feeling different. He didn’t feel this way a couple of seconds ago. He felt.. _lighter_. He could breath, and there wasn’t a heavy feeling on his chest. He wasn’t feeling as sad and alone as he was earlier. He laughed. 

“I’m not sure what that was, but I think I’m alright.” He answered honestly. No point in trying to preserve his little remaining confidence. He felt better. Maybe it would only be temporary, but even if it was, he was happy he was here with people he cared about, not feeling like complete shit. Not _alone_

A few hours ago Alastor didn’t want to leave his room, he wanted to die, to disappear, curl up in a ball and bleed out, but he didn’t feel that way anymore. It was odd, and Charlie and angel still seemed a little worried. 

His smile was small, but genuine as he stood, a bit wobbly at first, Charlie grabbing his arm to make sure he didn’t fall. 

“I’m fine.” He breathed out. 

“You’re sure?” She asked, angels face displaying the same concern. 

“I don’t feel like dying anymore.” He answered, smiling wider. 

Charlie’s eyes traveled down to his wrists, the bandages had come off during his panic, exposing his linear marks. She didn’t say anything, just running his fingers down the small wounds with parental care. 

“You’re not going to do this again then?”

Angel stood up, standing next to the deer and princess. 

“I can’t promise anything..” 

she frowned at that. “Not what I wanted to hear.”

Angel spoke up, grabbing the deers hand. 

“So your all good now? Your not Lyin’ so you can fuck around right?” 

Alastor didn’t know what the spider meant by ‘ _fucking around_ ’ but he shook his head anyway.

“I think I want to go downstairs.” 

Charlie smiled at that, grabbing the demons other hand. 

“That’s great! I’m happy your feeling better Al, but know that if you ever start feeling sad you can talk to us, any of us, we promise we’ll take care of you.” She lifted his arm up a bit, motioning to the straight red lines. “You don’t need to do _this_ to yourself.”

Al sneered a bit. 

“I don’t need you to ‘ _take care of me_ ’, darling, I’m perfectly capable on my own. I’m going.” He said, gently pulling his hands away from the protective two and walking out of the bedroom. 

Charlie looked to Angel. 

“Please don’t let him do anything too crazy.” She said in a hushed tone. 

Angel clicked his tongue and shot her fingers guns and a wink. 

“You got it toots. I’m keeping my deer in close reins.”

She smiled at the joke, walking out the door. 

“Thanks, angel.”

He hummed, sitting on the bed and sighing as she exited. 

He wasn’t sure what that was, a few minutes ago Al was having a full on panic attack, then Charlie came in and he was all fine and dandy. It was weird, but he was glad his deer was happy. He couldn’t tell if it was genuine for sure, but when you get to know someone, and spend a lot of time with that person, you get a sort of sixth sense. You can tell when that person is suffering. Alastor told him about how he was feeling a few months ago. He told him how he felt like a giant weight was on his chest, how he couldn’t move it no matter how hard he tried. Maybe that’s why he had trouble gathering the motivation to get up some days, sometimes that weight becomes to much to carry, so he stays in bed, But Angels there to take some of that weight off, to make it easier to carry. Maybe today he was to blocked up, so when Charlie came to ease some of that stress it helped. Angel knew he couldn’t help Al all on his own, and he was happy he didn’t have to. Charlie was always nice to him, and the two had a sort of bond Angel couldn’t explain. They were similar in a lot of ways, but also so different. Whatever it was about Charlie, Alastor found comfort in, and angel didn’t know what it was, but still, he was glad for that... Maybe a _little_ jealous that he couldn’t calm the deer down on his own, but Charlie seemed to be able to with little effort. Angel was content to know that if Alastor was having trouble dealing with emotions, he would come to _him_ for comfort first.

Angel stood up and walked out of the room, flicking off the light before closing the door. He had a deer to babysit. 

“There ya are. Been looking all ova for ya Bambi.”

Angel walked through the garden to the little stone bench Alastor sat at, his microphone in hand. He seemed to be flicking through the stations absentmindedly. 

“You okay?” 

He looked up, ears flicking at the noise. 

“Yes. A little confused I suppose, but fine.”

“Why’re you confused, smiles?” The arachnid said, sitting next to him. 

Al seemed to be searching for the words to explain his hidden emotions. His eyes narrowed at his mic, settling on a soft static fizzle, humming in the surprisingly quiet hell night. 

“Do you remember when I told you how I felt before? About feeling blocked up?”

Angel nodded, frowning a bit. 

“Well, Im not feeling that way anymore. It happened so suddenly, I don’t know what it entails..”

“Not really getting what your sayin’ Bambi.”

Alastor was getting a bit frustrated, and he reached up to his neck when he realized it, expecting to feel the familiar cold metal, but instead felt only his neck. He sighed and made his mic disappear, folding his hands in his lap. 

“I said I felt like I was missing something, but I didn’t know what.. I think I know what I was missing now.”

Angels eyebrows rose. He turned to face the deer a little better. 

“What wasit’?” He asked, voice hushed, coming out in a single breath.

Alastor looked up at him, his eyes glistening in the pale red light. 

“You guys.. _everyone_... you, Charlie, husker, Vaggie, nifty.. I’m not alone anymore.” 

Angel didn’t know what to say. He felt his face heat up and his eyes fill with unshed tears.

“Al..” 

Alastor looked down at his hands. 

“I felt weird being here for a long time, I felt so... _unwanted_. Vaggie hated me, Charlie was scared of me, I really didn’t think I would get close to any of you, even surrounded by everyone at the hotel, Rosie, mimzy, I felt alone, then it started getting better, we were getting along.. I screwed _everything_ up, and I didn’t think you’d forgive me, but you did, and I don’t feel so alone anymore.. I don’t feel like I want to off myself when I’m with you guys.” He said the last part with a cheeky grin, and Angel wanted to frown at that, but he knew the deer was just trying to make light of the situation. He hadn’t seen Al smile like that in so long, It made him smile too. 

“I’m so happy that your okay, Al. I’ll always be here for you.“ he grabbed both of Al’s hands and pulled him closer. “Your stuck with me for ya whole afterlife now, so ya betta get used to it!”

The two laughed, filling the quiet garden with their cackles. 

“Wanna head inside?” Angel suggested, pointing his thumb at the hotel. 

Alastor nodded, standing up and waiting for Angel to do the same. The two walked through the now dimly lit garden hand in hand, genuine smiles on their faces. 

“I’m gunna make sure you neva feel alone again, Al. _I promise.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for typos


End file.
